October 2003 Archives

GLADLY! Fear not, those of you who are costumingly-challenged (it IS a word, shut up). I have scoured the internet, far and wide, to find you the ideal article to help you decide what outfit is the best one for you. You can find the article right here.

If you'd like to save some time, just read the parts I have quoted, and the enlightening commentary I have provided. All quotes are guaranteed to be 100% unchanged*

*By unchanged, I mean changed

The Hulk next to the bar flexes his tight green muscles and sips a beer. He was Superman last year and Robocop the year before that. In real life, he's probably weak and insecure and showers once a week. Maybe he got picked on in school for being skinny and wimpy. His mom probably didn't buy him the cool pens either, so this is partially her fault as well.

Hulk's trying to convince a nurse in a short white dress, pink thong and high heels that she should be wearing the pink thong on the inside of her dress, rather than the outside. She's around 40 and was a real babe in high school, before she started smoking and reading romance novels. She misses the times when boys would duel each other for the honour of taking her maiden-head.

I think that part of the problem is that she's wearing a pink thong, with a white outfit. Talk about a hilarious fashion faux-pas!

A clown invites a witch to dance, waving his red wig under her long plastic nose. This guy is ready to make her laugh and he's not afraid of acting goofy, or slipping something into her drink. He's also had about seven beers, and is dangerously close to wetting himself.

This is how a psychologist might see a Halloween party, provided they ever got invited to one. Psychologists are generally a bunch of jerks, and so they don't often get invited to Halloween parties.

I'm trying to think if I know any psychologists - I don't think so.

Sally Forester, a psychology professor with the University of Miracosta, Calif., organizes the annual Halloween party for the faculty and sometimes takes on the topic with students, when she's bored in class. One year, she asked her students to dress up as their favorite sexual deviance. She came in as a Tulix, that stupid character that was created when Neelix and Tuvac were merged due to a transporter mishap in Voyager. She was immediately fired from her job, because Neelix sucks eggs, even when you pair him with someone as cool as Tuvac. When interviewed later, one of her students said "It was the visual equivalent of an anal-probe. I hope I never have to see that again".

Forester said Halloween is an occasion for people to either dress up as someone they love or would emulate or someone they hate and therefore want to mock. Also, it is an occasion for people to dress as someone they might know and has clothes they'd like to wear, someone they work with, something they saw in a movie, or whatever costume was left when they got to the costume store at 8PM on Halloween night.

So Halloween is an opportunity to wear costumes?

"This year, I won't be surprised if there are going to be some Kobe Bryant costumes," she moaned. "Kobe Bryant has that raw sexuality that I look for in a guy. I'll probably be dressing up as him as well. I own four locks of his hair, and a turkey baster full of his sweat".

Hey, me too!

John Sulenagger, psychology professor at the Rider University in New Jersey has explored similar ground. He asked students to pick costumes for each other, and found that every single girl, except for Gertrude Mayers, had a catwoman costume chosen for them. "It makes sense, because Gertrude is hideously ugly. I wouldn't even hit her with a stick, she's so ugly", Sulenagger laughs, while eating a bowl of porridge.

Sulenagger rambles on, "One theory states that our personality operates in polarities. There is our conscious self that we present to everyone during our everyday life -- but then there is a hidden side to our personality which may be the exact opposite. Another theory states that our universe is sitting atop a giant tortoise's back, which is in turn, on top of another tortoise's back. And it's tortoises all the way down. Doesn't that just blow your mind? I always thought that should be a twilight zone episode. Where, like, one of the tortoises dies or something. I'm hungry". At this point, Sulenagger wandered off to find some Nutella, and has been missing for four days since.

I wish they'd post a picture of this guy so I could help track him down. I think I might have dated Gertrude Mayers when I was younger.

Now, on to the good stuff! The analysis!

Sexy characters

Sulenagger said the increasingly popular "pimp and ho" characters represent inner struggles. "Perhaps a student is having difficulty deciding between law school, or carrying on the family janitorial business. Maybe a baker isn't sure whether to use creamcheese icing or sugar-based icing. These are all difficult decisions, and invariably, the inner struggle manifests itself in the form of a 'pimp and ho' costume being worn."

What does it mean if I was planning on going as a robot version of the village people?

Costume choices rooted in fame and popular culture tend to follow trends, and like trends, they may spread quickly then disappear, Sulenagger said, pointing out the blatantly obvious. People may simply wish to display a knowledge of current events or share their interests, which is why you see so many George W. Bush, Weapons of Mass Destruction, and Osama Bin-Laden costumes. Or they may use them to express personality traits or social issues that are associated with the celebrity's image, made obvious by the large number of Ross Perot costumes each year.

By the time I go to get costumes, all the Ross Perot's have been gone, and I get stuck with boring ones.

Zombies, vampires, skeletons and other monsters show a deep level of unoriginality. "People that dress in these types of costumes really have no originality, and should be denied candy if they come to your door trick or treating. If their parents cared for them, they would have gone to the effort to get them a more creative costume, like Ross Perot."

"Fairies or princesses represent one's lost innocence or beauty, or a return to a safer and simpler time", Forester says, slamming back a bottle of rum, "a time back when knights would be in a bad mood and have to cut off the arms of at least four serfs just to feel better". "A lot of really slutty girls will wear princess and Ross Perot outfits, in an attempt to trick unsuspecting men to come home with them."

I've fallen for that Ross Perot trick a few too many times. It's so sneaky.. You've just really gotta be careful.

Animals

Thinking in the tradition of the Native American, he added, we might even regard an animal costume as something that we should chase in a Zodiac boat and harpoon.

I wonder which animal represents the war on terrorism. That would be a pretty cool costume to go as.. I think it's probably either the Manatee, or the Sloth.

Some cartoon characters have very cultural significance and may even represent archetypal personality types (for example Bugs Bunny as a confident trickster that doesn't ever wear pants and kisses guys), according to Sulenagger. And some adults wear costumes that they think are more sophisticated such as anime. "These people are clearly nerds", bellows Sulenagger, "and if Ogre was still around, he'd throw them over the balcony of the Alpha-Beta's frat house. Even if that meant an attempted murder charge".

Ahhh Ogre. I miss that guy. I think that that actor was at his finest in Bloodsport. What a movie. What a role.

Evil costumes aren't usually costumes, Sulenagger said. "Most of the time, these are just evil people that are using Halloween as an easy way to blend into the crowd". "Avoid these people at all costs, and make sure they don't steal your wallet". "Also, if they have a goatee, punch them in the side of the head when they aren't looking. They've got it coming".

I like this guy's gung-ho attitude - he's not afraid to go balls to the wall against all odds.

Powerful characters

This can be a variation of the "evil" costume, or a more benign expression of a fantasy of omnipotence, Suler said. "In truth, I would bet that 75% of the people wearing a powerful costume are impotent".

Wow. That's pretty blunt. So according to this article, the only really safe costume to go as is Ross Perot. And he's always taken by the time I get to the costume store. Hmm, I'll just make my own Ross Perot costume I guess. Little bit of tape for my ears, and walking around on my knees, and I should be good.

Oh yeah, recently, many of you have e-mailed me and said "Adam, what the hell does gung-ho and balls to the wall mean?" Most surprising about these e-mails is that I haven't even posted this entry yet, and I'm already getting the e-mails. In any case, I have some definitions for these terms which can be found here, care of Graham. Here are the important parts:

"Gung-ho"

Use it in a sentence: Gung-ho!

This one was pretty intuitive, but what about "Balls to the wall"?

"Balls to the wall"

Use it in a sentence: Go forth my children, and do as Jesus did, going balls to the wall a minimum of four times weekly, hencewith which thy shalt engage in thy endeavours, and that which ye may forgo unto that which thou wouldst experience a fort night (James Roddington 7:18)

That's enough sillyness for now. As pictures from last night show, the move into Bay's house is complete, and everything went really smooth. Bay treated us all to Boston Pizza afterwards, which was awesome, because I love Boston Pizza and they seem to have a patent on deliciousizing their food.

Tonight brings Halloween, the scariest night of the year, mostly because a bunch of kids are out wrecking shit. If anyone else wants to, I think we should all buy a ton of eggs and then go and find kids that are egging houses and egg THEM. How awesome would that be? +9 awesomeness is the answer for all of you keeping track. Anyhow, happy Halloween everyone..

Despite only having a flat-bed truck, and a wardrobe that had absolutely no chance of making it through the door, Bay, myself, her friend Carman, and her aunt and uncle managed to move all of her stuff in under two hours. Definitely one of the smoother moves I've had to do. Fortunately, most of Bay's life, in terms of belongings, can currently be stuffed in boxes and bags, and has very few items that take up a ton of room.

Roughly 20% of Bay's life

Few more pictures before sleep..

What an awesome way to start the day - this was heading in to work

Quick break at work. There's something about simple objects in close focus that I really like

Walking through the Engineering building, I found myself in one of Mario's levels

I had to sneak out from moving to take this picture, the sunset had beautiful hues.

G'night!

It's a busy day out there today. There's a lot of news going on that I think is really important to cover, including stuff about Iraq, and President Bush, and starving children in Claymation or some other country like that. However, more important than all of that are these dating tips that I've found. This is likely to be a long post - so be forewarned.

We surveyed a variety of top experts (none of whom have been laid in the past 6 months) and learned five unbelievably effective secrets to make the opposite sex come running.

Want to be the one who gets noticed? Stand in the center of the room, and wear fluorescent clothing. Seriously, the more eighties the better. According to Dr. Albert Mehrabian (we don't believe that's a real name either), the author of several books, and nationally-known expert in the field of spatial psychology, where you are in a room (and what you're doing) has a lot to do with your ability to attract the opposite sex. Where should you be for the highest impact and the greatest number of interested cuties? Smack-dab in the center of the room, standing up and moving around a bit. If you know how to do the robot, do that a lot. Shouting periodically, as though you have Tourette's Syndrome, is often a huge sign of sexuality.

Now this is obvious. Whenver I go to a party, it's the person doing the robot that the interested cuties are impacting upon. I'm pretty sure it couldn't hurt to wear a Def Leopard t-shirt either.

If you're in a bar or nightclub, the best place to be is at one of the corners on the bar. Not only will you meet more people, but, according to Mehrabian, bartenters tend to gravitate toward the corners as well. Interesting conversation AND a full drink, that YOU have to pay for? You'll feel like you've died and gone to dating heaven.

Dating heaven? Because everyone knows that the best possible date revolves around the fact that your drink is full at all times. I've SEEN episodes of Blind Date where that has been the case, and it's not dating heaven.

2. THE COLOR LURE

What color can you wear to compel the opposite sex to approach you?

Easy. Vermillion. Next.

According to Color Consultant Leatrice Eiseman, "I just knew, when I was younger, I wanted to work with colors. I hate the idea of doing anything meaningful, and being a color consultant seemed like the ideal way to waste time while I wait for my parent's inheritance to kick in".

We think she might also have mentioned that women are attracted to men wearing the color blue. And why wouldn't we be? Blue was the color that Skeletor, He-man's arch-nemesis, wore. Skeletor represented power and sexuality. He was always fighting the opression of He-man, trying to make the world a better place by tearing down that Castle Greyskull. Also, in a recent study where we made up facts until one of them sounded real, Skeletor was voted "TV's most eligible cartoon bachelor".

I want to go and buy a bunch of blue shirts, and give them to homeless people, and see how well this color really attracts women.

And what about the ladies? Eiseman says women should avoid wearing clothing. Women have been statistically shown to garner more interest from men if they are wearing nothing but high-heels. If you're a little too self-concious to do this, you should probably stay home and eat chocolates in a dark room, instead of ruining a bunch of attractive people's night.

Hmm, according to all of the members of UVic's student society council, burlap bags and a bowl of granola is the most attractive thing to wear.

Of all the colors, red is the most sensual. But, wear red with caution, because if you fall and cut yourself, you won't be able to tell that you're bleeding profusely until it's too late.

Concerned your wardrobe is driving people away? Stay away from what Eiseman calls "squished caterpillar yellow-green" which is said to be the stupidest description of a color ever.

Squished caterpillar yellow-green. Shit. That's the color of my entire wardrobe. This Eiseman guy's a dick.

3. BODY TALK THAT REELS 'EM IN

In addition, Wood says "to be very approachable women should stand with their feet no farther than 6 inches apart with toes pointed slightly apart". "Also", Wood grunts, "Your elbows should be up in the air, and you should have one eyebrow higher than the other. Wearing lederhosen is hot too". Other key moves, the nod and the head tilt - can make you look like you have Parkinson's disease.

I really like the pose described by Wood - it reminds me of the mannequins at the Gap. Definitely a power pose that says "Hey Skeletor, come and get me".

For men, appearing more dominant effectively draws the attraction of women. To attract women, stand with your feet 4-5 feet apart, and toes pointing backwards. For optimal results, stand in the full splits position, like Jean Claude Van Damne did in Bloodsport. Feel free to take up some space and thrust your loins in an outward direction. For men who are victims of the "nice guy" badge - take the badge off and throw it out moron. Why are you wearing a badge that says "nice guy" in the first place? Were badges ever cool? You're a dork. If you appear to be too submissive to attract women, try taking your Y chromosome out for a spin, or growing a penis, wimp.

Wow, if only I'd known it was that easy! Hey, suffering from cancer? Try taking your white blood cells out for a spin!

According to Mehrabian, men should "try wearing bulkier or more conservative hairstyles or clothing," hold your head up, and speed up your speech and gestures to be more assertive. Remember, the faster you talk, the more likely you are to spit, and that's sexy.

I'm shexy!

4. THE POWER OF A SMILE

Psychology and body language experts agree that one of the most important things you can do to make yourself more attractive (and approachable) is to eat steak. If there's no steak nearby, you could try smiling, providing you don't have one of those repulsive smiles where your gums look about eight feet tall. That creeps me out. Not a great big plastic game-show smile either, just your normal "I'm having a great time and I'm happy to be here, although I'd rather be licking a rat than talking to you" face will do the trick. According to Wood, "the smile is the international signal of friendliness, except in Iraq, where it's grounds for being stoned to death."

Well, that works for me, I never go to the bar without at least six steak stuffed into my pants, so no problems here. Sometimes I tie two steaks to strings, and wing them around like a poi or glowstick dancer. That's drawn me a lot of attention too. (+2 Sexy)

5. TEMPTING WITH SCENT

Studies show that men associate the scents of cinnamon and vanilla with sex, as well as the scents of beer, grass, the sea, another man, raw sewage, hay, apples, honey, and anything else that has a smell. To make the scents work for you, try baking some ready-made cinnamon rolls about an hour before your date arrives and then rubbing them all over you, especially your armpits. You could also try wearing a cinnamon-vanilla scented perfume. There's a fabulous one called "Man Magnet" at www.stopgettingdumped.com, which is possibly the stupidest name ever thought of for a perfume. I bet you it smells more like wild boars than it does cinnamon and vanilla.

Man, I love the smell of wild boars. I know what Bay's getting for Christmas (if you guessed eight wild boars, you were right!)

Aromatherapy experts have long-believed that their careers actually help make a difference, which has given other professionals the opportunity to laugh until tears are streaming down their faces. They also believe cinnamon to be an aphrodisiac. According to Laura Davimes, aromatherapy and herb expert (stoner) and owner of Herban Avenues, "certain aromatic plants exude oils similar to our own sexual secretions or pheromones". Davimes continued, despite us asking her not to, "some of these sexual secretions may be recognizable as ass, manmusk, and old-man-smell". These pheromones can greatly influence both social and sexual behavior, and, according to some studies, transform ordinary people into superhuman robots capable of devastating entire cities. Other studies have indicated that they may instead just transform people into more interactive and attractive beings. With essences like cinnamon, for example, and vanilla, there is an added benefit from tapping into pleasant warm memories of food and love and the sense of home."

Man, how awesome would it be to be a devastating super robot! I'm going to go and grab an old man and rub him all over me, and see if that works.

The scent of a woman? Women, according to a recent study, are attracted to a black licorice scent. So, be sure to pick up licorice or Good 'n Plenty at the theater snack bar. And, if you're at a club and happen to spill a little Jaggermeister, or wine, or gasoline on your shirt, don't worry about the stain, just consider it your lucky night.

Got it, stains are sexy. I'm learning so much today!

So, to sum up:
- Stand in the center of the room and yell
- Wear the color vermillion
- Eat steak
- Stand as though you are playing twister by yourself
- Stains are sexy

This is AWESOME. I bet Bay isn't going to even know what's come over her when she gets home to me tonight, shouting, wearing vermillion, eating and wearing a steak and coated in unidentifiable stains. My guess is that it'll be nausea.

Anyhow, here's the bottom part of the post - the more serious, down to earth, philosophical Adam section - or something of the sort.

I'm still trying to figure out how the format for my blog is going to work. I really love the way the humour portion is working out so far, I have a blast doing it, and hopefully, at least one other person enjoys it too. I think that a lot of people think that I use humour as a means to garner attention, which may in part be true (I think we all do), but at the core of my sense of humour is the desire to make myself laugh, and I think that's one of the best ways to approach humour. Obviously you have to take other people's feelings into account (not always my strongest ability), but if you're making yourself laugh, then it doesn't so much matter if other people find you funny.

In any case, it feels weird making a huge long humour post, and then shoe-horning in the more serious stuff at the bottom. I'm not sure if I want to divide out the two parts into two different sections of the website, or if that would just end up being more irritating in the end. Anyhow, as time passes, I'll hopefully come up with a format that feels right, and in the mean time, I'm going to stick with this style, because I like the feel of it, and it's fun writing it out. The sky is looking pretty today, so tonight might include another photo update.

Wow, as our meeting at work today was finishing up, I took a glance out the window as I was grabbing my stuff. The clouds were bursting with flavour and I knew that I had to go out and regulate with my camera. I ended up getting home about 50 minutes late because of all the pictures taken (87 in total) but it was well worth the delay. A few shots go up here, and the rest go into the imaginary gallery that might show up sometime within the next year.

This actually got taken at lunch on my way to see Carmen, but I liked the shot so much

The first shot taken as I was leaving my office.

This was one of the first shots I got, walking towards the McKenzie and Gordon Head intersection

Nice view over UVic's stadium

One of the last shots of the night, towards the end of nature's fireworks.

Stay tuned tomorrow, where I'll quote some stuff and then make fun of it!

New day, new incident. Thank goodness for the internet - it means I can read about all sorts of people that are dumber than me, and as a result, make myself feel better about the stupid decisions I make.

Let's see what's going on in the world today.. Hmm, this shows promise.

The resignation of a School District administrator last summer was prompted by an incident at an eighth-grade graduation ceremony, where he told a School Board member she was showing too much cleavage and then put his hand down her shirt, according to documents released Monday.

Well, you have to admit, that's a good way to prove your point.

In a letter faxed to the Journal Sentinel on Monday, Laudolff gave his first detailed explanation of the events surrounding his departure, saying the graduation incident "has been blown completely out of proportion." and that, "This is all a load of horseshit." He also said the allegations were "ridiculous" and they "only loosely resemble the actual incident." "Besides", Laudolff adds, "spandex is a privilege, not a right."

That's very true, I heard that line used once in Hackers (r337-ness +2).

Afterward, he commented on how embarrassed she was and laughed, stating "That old bag is such a prude." He also picked up an adhesive-backed identification badge and placed it on her chest to cover her cleavage, and shouted loudly "Away, vile demons!", according to "the documents", of which we will make continued reference throughout this story, without providing any actual name through which you can do the research yourself. Without us, you are nothing but a gross barnacle on the hull of our giant news-boat.

Barnacles are cool!

He also made inappropriate comments about others at the ceremony, according to the documents. Those comments were not detailed in "the documents", although an eye-witness to the events said that he heard the term "El Dorko" used multiple times.

My mom used to call me that when I was younger.

In his letter to the newspaper, Laudolff, or "Pellican Pete", as his friends call him, gave his version of the incident, saying he made his comments during a "relaxed conversation" with the board members, who were people with whom he was at ease and trusted, and whom he felt "weren't going to narc me out like a bunch of bitches."

Krueger said she did not believe her top was revealing, saying "If J-Lo can dress like this to award shows, I can dress this way to a board meeting". The letter says the humor was intended to "soften the harshness of the judgment", and to "quit being such a pansy." Admitting that he was "guilty of bad judgment," Laudolff said he apologized to Krueger later and only requested that she also admit to bad judgement. "After all", gags Laudolff, "I remember when J-Lo wore that outfit, and it did not remind me of my grandmother's cleavage".

I tried poking at some cleavage in a bar with a stick once, but it didn't produce the desired result at all. I don't recommend this technique to pick up women. Instead, check out the handy pick up lines from yesterday's post.

According to "the documents", Laudolff was suspended with pay by the board on July 14 pending a preliminary investigation of the graduation incident and an incident regarding a comment Laudolff made during public address announcements about teachers' attire on the last day of school in June.

After first announcing that teachers could wear comfortable clothing, Laudolff got back on the address system to say that teachers could not wear pajamas. He then made a third announcement, saying a male teacher could not wear lingerie, specifically a teddy. "Have you ever seen a guy in a teddy?", asked Laudolff, flexing his pecs, "The seperated-balls look isn't that appealling". "Also, kids are watching porn on TV at 9 o'clock these days. I'm just helping ease them through this difficult transitional phase".

That's true about the seperated-balls look. It's definitely not the sort of view you'd want to see first thing upon getting to work.

In other "documents" released Monday, a survey on Laudolff's performance conducted by the district's teachers in 1999 listed as one of his weaknesses his squats. "Laudolff can bench press an impressive clean 180, but his squats are abysmal. We don't want to send the kids the wrong message".

If kids start thinking that all that matters is upper body, we're going to start to see a ton of people walking around that look like every guy that goes to my gym. Excellent point.

Well, I have to say, this is a very tragic incident. I totally agree about the upper body issue, it's not a good idea to give kids the impression that having huge arms and chest, and legs that look like you've got polio, is an appealing look. Something has to be done about this.

Aside from that though, has the teacher done anything wrong? How do YOU feel about people on the Teacher's Board wearing cleavage revealing outfits? How about those sweaters that people make their dogs wear? I hate those. If I was one of those dogs, I'd kick my owner in the head.

Oh, and I'll post some pictures tonight. Yah.

Wow, a secondary post within about 30 minutes of my last one. You go hardworker!

I had already finished writing the last post when I headed over to Myron's blog and followed the link he had posted to some pick up lines based on your astrological sign. Some of these are so ridiculous that I had to quote and comment.

Pick-up lines by the Signs

Should be read How to get punched in the head by any of the astrological signs, or Are you an asshole that thinks pick up lines work? Read these!.

Aries: I'm on fire. Can I run through your sprinkler?

That's not fire, that's just genital herpes. Don't worry, it comes and goes.

Taurus: I just had to come talk with you. Sweetness is my weakness.

My strength is being able to tell that people are sweet simply by staring at their chest for 20 minutes.

Gemini (me): Do you have any overdue library books? 'Cause you've got the word "fine" written all over.

I MUST have overdue library books, because the only other place that would be touting this pick up line as cool would be books published in 1960 with titles like "How to mack some fine ass hos"

Cancer: Can I borrow a quarter? I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the person I'm going to marry.

While you're at it, could you tell her that her son is too cheap to be able to pay for his own phone call, and that I would NEVER marry someone that wouldn't save their loved ones money by dialing 10-10-220? COME ON, John Stamos has been trying to rekindle his dieing career by pushing that number like crazy.

Leo: Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

You should go talk to Aries over there.

Virgo: Baby, you must be a broom, 'cause you just swept me off my feet.

I'm pregnant with your child.

Libra: If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd be walking through my garden forever.

Well, it's cheesy, because it's a pick up line, but at least this one is sweet, sort of. Until you've heard it a thousand times. I would change it to "If I had a rose for every time I thought of you, I'd be dead from all the thorns stabbing me".

Scorpio: Gonorrhea - it just sounds cool.

Umm..

Sagittarius: Hi, I'm writing a term paper on the finer things in life. Can I interview you? And by interview, I mean sex. And by you, I mean you and two other women. And by term paper, I meant I work at McDonalds and live at home with my parents.

I like this one. Honesty is a virtue.

Capricorn: Are you going to be walking to your car by yourself later?

Do I know any Capricorns?

Aquarius: You're hot. You must be the reason for global warming.

And I'm the reason that things like professional wrestling and Nascar racing get ratings.

Pisces: Are you as beautiful on the inside as you are on the outside? I own a castle.

Not everyone can pull this last one off, but it's definitely effective if you can.

And to finish everything off:

Need a fun break from your day? Vist Astro Quiz Central and take our sexy new tests to find out your kissing style, your ideal mate or your Sex and the City astrological soul sister!

Wow, a test that is SEXY. I wonder how they accomplish that. I remember getting aroused while taking a Calculus test once.. I wonder if there's any connection.

As for taking a sexy test to find my Sex and the City astrological soul sister.. CROTCH CHOP!

Fresh day, and I'm not yet ready to start doing anything at work. I guess that means I'm going to go find some helpful advice and dispense it in an attempt to increase my samaritan rating.

Let's see here. We've got some particularly helpful advice from CNN about planning out your TV schedule. That sounds important:

Literary agent Rick Broadhead worked out, took a shower, ate dinner and settled into a chair earlier this month to watch a new episode of his favorite show, "The West Wing."

I like Rick Broadhead already. That's such a strong last name. Do you think he changed it to that later on in life?

Yet it wasn't on. Less than 24 hours earlier, NBC executives decided to replace it with a "Law & Order" rerun, reasoning "The West Wing" would be crushed in the ratings by a baseball playoff game.

I hate baseball play-offs. Or any type of sports play-offs for that matter. I just want to come home, eat my sad bowl of cereal for dinner, and watch some reruns of Friends or Seinfeld.

"I was incredibly disappointed," said Broadhead, a Toronto, Canada, resident. "It was a huge letdown. As a viewer, you look forward to it. You sometimes plan your evenings around certain shows. I had planned this evening three weeks in advance. I'd ordered pizza, and I had made sure that my wife and kids would be stuck in traffic for at least a few hours. I'd dimmed the lights to the perfect setting, and I was wearing casual clothing that would increase the overall viewing experience. "

Fortunately, Broadhead and one other viewer were the only people affected by the displacement of West Wing.

"I think the world is completely different from when I grew up knowing that 'Happy Days' and 'Laverne and Shirley' were on ABC on Tuesday nights," said Jeff Zucker, NBC Entertainment president, "Mostly in that TV doesn't suck as much ass as it used to obviously. I mean, Ron Howard's character hanging out with the Fonz? The Fonz would have been taking protection money from him every week. Scott Bao was a stud though, no doubt about it."

I kind of agree with Zucker, who also happens to have a really cool name. I think I'm going to change my name to Zucker Broadneck.

Already this season, NBC has blown up (metaphorically) its struggling Friday night lineup, moved "Third Watch" from Monday to Friday and taken the touted comedy "Coupling" off the air with no inkling of when it will return. Many people were shocked by the removal of "Coupling", especially after receiving such rave reviews as "It's a piece of heinous filth", and "I wouldn't wipe my ass with that TV show".

Some of NBC's schedules, particularly for Fridays, are set week to week, leaving so much uncertainty that a Washington Post reporter trying to keep track wryly called it "cubist origami."

That reporter is clearly a pretentious dick, and was fired days later for using the phrase "cubist origami" seriously.

Zucker is an aggressive businessman with a huge neck, and he's adopted several strategies designed to wring as many ratings points out of a night as he can. He's "supersized" popular shows, meaning he makes them longer, and puts in about 41 minutes of filler, experimented with different time slots and aired programs on different nights for extra exposure. "It may seem like I'm just randomly assigning TV shows", states Zucker, sweating profusely, "But I have a master plan. Honestly. Please don't fire me." He's also trying to use terms like "supersized" more often, to appeal to the more youthful demographic.

Supersized? I'm trying to think of what show NBC has aired that would be supersized. I guess Friends was 45 minutes once. If filling a show up with an extra 15 minutes of filler in the form of flashbacks is supersizing, I guess that would make sense - My supersized fries are usually just a regular amount of fries, with a bunch of cigarette butts at the bottom of the supersize fries packet. Come to think of it, watching a supersized episode of Friends is not unlike eating cigarette butts. Excellent analogy, Zuckster.

He's intent on keeping NBC dominant among the 18-to-49-year-old demographic -- so far he's succeeded -- but the job is becoming more difficult in a season where no network can claim any new hits.

The 18-49 demographic? Are we sure that's wide enough? Why not grab the 12-70-year-olds plus pets demographic? As for new hits? Screw it, just rerun the episode of Saved by the Bell where Jessi Spano gets addicted to caffeine pills over and over. I'd stay tuned. Honestly. Jessi Spano may be a lot of things, but she's never been described as a piece of heinous filth.

Zucker said his schedule flipping this year is exaggerated, probably because of the last-minute decision to pull original series on big baseball nights.
He's aware people complained, but considers that "nonsensical" and "silly." and also stated "I could really care less about what the scum sucking maggots that watch TV think. If they had any motivation or intelligence, they'd be sitting in my position, and not the other way around. TV viewers can suck it". He then proceeded to do the crotch chop maneuver popularized a few years back in professional wrestling. Since more people will watch the episodes on a non-baseball night, he's serving a greater number of viewers, he said, throwing in a few more crotch chops for good measure.

Well, I've heard enough. I think it's pretty obvious that you don't need any skills or intellect to get a job working as a network executive, you just have to have a cool name. Something with a power syllable in it, like "Zuh" or "erson". In the future, I think we'll all have names like Juggy Zugerson (Bay and I have already agreed that our first kid will be named Dillweed Dillweed Dillweed, but after that, Juggy is fair game). Think of the nick names: The Juggernator, Juggernaught, Big Jugs. If those don't have network executive written all over them, I don't know what does.

In more personal news, I've been taking pictures like crazy, and am ready to go and get some of my favorite shots developed. If I remember correctly, it's fiddy-cen a picture, which is a bit pricey, so I guess they're going to have to be a select few. The last thing I have to check is what format and size the pictures need to be in for best results.

There'll probably be another update later on tonight to post some more pics, and hopefully the gallery will be in position by the end of the evening. We'll see.

So I had prepared a huge post, literally rife with hilarity today. Then, right as I was about to submit it, my web browser totally boned me and shut down, leaving me with nothing saved. As a retalliation, and partially to teach my web browser a lesson, I've decided not to rewrite the whole post. Also, I find that things are never as funny the second time around, and lastly, my heart just wouldn't be in it.

As compensation for the billions of people that have showed up here tonight, demanding that I make a post today (seriously, billions), I'm posting some pictures that I took today.

First attempt at an angled shot, using the tripod.

Love this shot. You can see a car that was passing by on the left (bright lights). Look how smooth I held the camera. I'm like a jedi.

Once again, the weekend ends with a photoshoot, and maybe some orange mocha frappucinos. Stay tuned for the product of six dollars and a few hours spent at Fort Rod Hill.

I was walking through London Drugs tonight with Bay after going out for dinner at Red Robin's. I was originally looking for a fairly long optical cable, so that I could experience 5.1 surround sound from my computer. That turned out to be in the photo department, and while waiting for some sales help, I noticed that one of the customers was getting shown some cameras. I've been waiting for Staples or Future Shop to get the new Powershot A80 into stock so I could pick one up, but I still had a week to wait. Imagine my delight to notice that one of the cameras the customer was looking at was the A80. So I picked it up, along with a tripod. I'm pretty stoked, I've been looking forward to this camera for quite some time now, and what I've seen of it thus far has really been pleasing. Too bad I hadn't checked out London Drugs before my photo "sesh" with Graham today. Oh well. Here are some pictures from that very same session.

Nice guns

This is a very poorly designed ladder

This was taking in 1942, and is actually one of the soldiers that worked at Fort Rodd Hill.

In other news, Shaun and Katie came over last night after Graham had left, and we watched Equilibrium. Graham had mentioned it to me before, but it had slipped out of my mind. I'm really glad I got a chance to see it though. The premise of the movie is that mankind has developed a drug that allows people to completely inhibit their emotions. Society is completely emotionless, and people that don't take this drug are criminals charged (and executed on spot) with sense crimes.

There are an elite group of fighters called grammaton clerics and they are in charge of seeking out sense criminals, and tracking down artifacts that evoke feelings and emotions (paintings like the Mona Lisa, records and music, old lamps). These artifacts are then burned on spot.

The grammaton clerics are taught a martial art that relates to gunfights, which has evolved from studies into gunfights, and determining how people are usually positioned, and how gunshots can be fired most effectively. I guess under scrutiny the idea kind of breaks down, but I thought it was a neat idea anyhow.

The movie itself really reminded me of what 1984 should have been like when it was made into a movie. In fact, there were a lot of similarities between the two, including a father figure that was used to constantly spread propaganda to the citizens, and kids that are encouraged to turn in their parents, and make sure they don't commit any sense crimes.

The most dissapointing part of the movie was the ending, which really gave me the impression that the makers of the movie didn't want to dissapoint any of the mainstream viewers that would demand a happy ending. Everything was wrapped up far too easily, and I think that a movie as dark as this one was should really have an ending that feels like a compromise rather than everything turning out just dandy.

Early morning post to throw up two pictures from last night both of my friend Ben sleeping on the couch. These pictures were taken after about 5 bottles of wine had been finished by Ashley, Ben, myself, Bay, Shaun and Katie. Most of us were close to doing this trick by that point :).

Vidyo gamz n' beerez day today. Good deal.

Quick post to throw up another graf. These'll go into a gallery once I get one set up.

Ugh, it's 10 AM and it still feels like I have about another two hours of sleep before I wake up. Whether or not that sleep is carried out with my eyes closed, comfortable in bed, or with them open, staring at a computer screen, seems irrelevant to my body.

To aid in the process of sleeping, I was reading through this article about MMORPGs (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Games), and why the author thinks they are no good. The main basis for the article is that the author is the kind of guy that quits after his first month, and thus he's the sort of player that the game company should pay more attention to, which I guess is kind of true, if the company wants to increase their market share and subscribers, but I think that the people actively playing the game are probably pretty important too.

Anyhow, buddy has compiled a list of things he thinks should be changed to make MMORPGORAGAOSGSOAGAPSOGSPGEOs better. To save you the trouble of clicking on the boring link I provided above, I'll just include some of the points here, and then scrutinize them mercilessly. It's better for all of us this way.

1) DON'T use me as pest control:

I've killed them all - rats, spiders, snakes, snails, wasps, worms, beetles etc. And more to the point, I've BEEN killed by them all. I'm tired of this crap - I know MMORPGs must have a sense of progression and therefore start small, but can't I start a bit higher up the food chain? For God sake, in real life I could give most decent sized mammals a good hiding and I don't even possess a shock spell or whirlwind attack. Let me fight something bigger. Also, give me a pony to ride, and have Kenny G do some of the songs for the game.

I hope we're saving the best for last, because the first point is pretty weak. So, top priority, change the names and maybe the look of the early monsters. I guess some variety at the start would be nice to differentiate a game from it's competitors, but this really does seem like a pretty minor complaint.

I keep unusual hours. It's a by product of being socially ignorant, drinking vast amounts of tea and coke and generally preferring to skulk in darkness. That is my right.

You go girl!

3) DON'T make crap classes/professions:

Because I am drawn to them as the moth is to the flame.

Other similes that were considered include:

• Like sex-appeal to Commander William Riker (he's so burly!).
• Like shoulder hair to Ron Jeremy.
• Like myself to the picture I took of Christy Nugent in high school when she thought I had no film in the camera.

But that's fair I guess. So take out the stuff in the game that isn't good. Ideally, while they're at it, they should also remove any weapon that isn't omnipotent, because this guy will use them otherwise, and take out any monster that is too hard, because he will go charging straight for it. I would also recommend taking out the first 98 levels of a character and putting in a throne for everyone, so that you start the game at level 99 and can sit on a throne rather than having to do the tough bits. Throne Emulator 2000.

5) DON'T pretend I can 'make a difference':

We both know that your over-arching storyline is wafer thin, and that I don't amount to a hill of beans in this digital town. Drop the pretence, I can handle the empty feeling of my own non-importance. I live in the real world, remember? I'm happy with my own little corner. So what if I don't have any friends, and I'm like Joey from Hackers, the guy that nobody liked and was addicted to coffee and smoking and computers? SO WHAT? He still hacked the Gibson didn't he? I'm happy with who I am, and even if my judging mother isn't, that doesn't matter. I told her I'd wash the car when she starts letting me have friends hang out with me in my room in the basement and that's it. The matter is closed. Why does she always have to get on my case about that sort of stuff? You know?

So, he wants to do away with the storyline. Uhh. Wouldn't it be better to put more effort into the storyline, rather than just doing away with it altogether?

So, as we can see, this guy has hit on some really key issues, and basically blown the lid off the MMORPGAZXX scheme. I can't wait until a few years down the road when I can log in, hop on my pony, and go and kill some Grolfnars right from the start, rather than having to deal with puny rats. Things are going to be different from now on.

I think that the real trouble with these sort of games is that they all really lead to the same general formula: Kill stuff, so that you can get new ways to kill stuff, so that you can kill bigger stuff. Repeat. Until you die.

I haven't really played any MMORPGFDASs lately so I might be totally off here (again, quite likely), but I remember when I used to play MUDs, which were the text-only predecessors to these types of games, and it was the same deal. That of course doesn't make it any less addicitive. That's the funny part.. You can see straight away what's happening, but you WANT that Double-laser-fireball skill, and you're willing to put in the nine hours of killing gerbils in order to get it. At least at first.

As the author of the previously mentioned article said, this is pretty common to most games, and I think that this is the real problem. Until some real innovation happens, I don't think MMORPGs are likely to be able to keep the less-than-hardcore gamers involved. Adding more classes, or giving new monsters to beat up on at the start won't make much of a difference, because no matter what you call it, you're still using a stick (be it a firestick, or a laserninja, or whatever) to beat down some enemy.

I think they should just scrap the MMORPG model and create Throne Emulator 2000.

By the way, many of you (0) have asked me if I quote these articles verbatim. The answer is that yes, I have modified the quotes somewhat, but only to fit the format of your screen, and to help shed light on what I think the author was really trying to get across (he didn't explicitly say it, but you could tell he wanted to have a pony).

If you're like me, you don't really like poetry. If you're not like me though, you might find this interesting.

So, apparently, Gator has won a law suit to prevent their product from being labelled as spyware. For the non technically-savvy, spyware is a program that secretly gets installed on your computer, or that records certain information pertaining to what webpages you may be opening up, what information you're filling out, etc. Adware, as Gator is now referred to, is software that runs on your computer and serves up pop-up and pop-under ads while you're surfing the internet. Some adware can do some pretty sneaky stuff, like display ads for the competitor of the company who's website you're currently visiting. Lastly, Gator is a company that makes one of the leading adware products out there right now.

The truth is, adware and spyware both suck, and it doesn't matter what we want to call them. I think we should just abandon the difference altogether, and lump everything under the term assware. I'd find it much less confusing.

My computer's acting up again, I think I've got a bunch of assware

Yah, that's the fifth computer we've had come in today with extraneous assware.

Slashdot has a link to the article here. One of the more interesting comments related to this is this rant:

I am a computer tech at a small mom-and-pop TV repair and computer store. I spend most of my time cleaning up systems that have become completely useless because of spyware like, Gator, Bonzi Buddy, Xupiter, Weatherbug, Comet Cursor, the list goes on and on. Sometimes, Lavasoft Ad-aware won't get them all, and I have to use Spybot search and destroy. This crapware was turned the internet into a minefield for the non-technical, who are the majority of computer users. It is a public nusiance. The people who create this stuff are racketeers. Perhaps the people behind all this crapware believe that computers are meant for the techno-elite, and never should have reached the masses. If their goal is to make millions give up on computers, they may be succesful.

If the goal of Gator was to render the internet only usable for the techno-elite, they'd be out a job, because the techno-elite aren't falling for their tricks. The fact of the matter is, Gator has a pretty successful product. I haven't seen for myself what their profit margins look like, but I think that it's fairly evident from the .bomb era that a company can't be sustained on the promise of future revenue and hopes and dreams. If Gator is still around, they must be doing something right. I know people that wouldn't think twice about clicking "Yes, trust all content from Gator" when it pops up on their screen - the very notion of doing that sends me into dry heaves, but it's obvious that we aren't all afflicted with this problem.

The issue as to whether or not this sort of advertising works brings us around to another main contender of internet anal-probing - Spam. Another link off of slashdot leads to a really interesting article related to how effective spam is. This is a long read, but one of the most interesting things I found (and by that I mean the two things I read from the slashdot summary) are that one third of the people that receive spam write back to request more information, and seven percent of those spammed actually buy something.

Good grief! Those numbers may not seem like much, but I find them astounding. That means that if a hundred people receive spam, 7 of them will buy something. The conclusions that you can draw from this are obvious: If you know 100 people. 7 of them are total nutbars, and you might as well start trying to sell them on a pyramid scheme.

Perhaps most central to the issue is this quote:

I have purchased spam products, and by and large I have been satisfied. I have walked among giants, and among dwarves. I have crushed tyrants and paupers a like, and I rule my land with an iron fist. I am the hellbeast, and you will lay down homage to my terrible powers, or I will incinerate you like the dickens. Worship my omnipotence!

Too true my friends, too true.

If you found none of that interesting, here's a shiny picture to keep you occupied for hours on end. If you stare at this picture long enough, and let your eyes go out of focus, you should be able to see that I've embedded the combined works of six different famous rennaisance artists.

(Keep staring, it may take a while)

Yah, that's right! Just a quick update to indicate the presence of new stuff that I have bitten from people doing actual work. I stole some banner code from Davin's website, and so now if you refresh the page a few times you should be able to see banner number 2, as well as make me feel cool by giving me some extra hits.

If you look at the source code, you can see that the javascript array that is created is named leet. That's pretty sweet. I don't know if Davin did that, or hypergurl (the person Davin borrowed from) did, but it's pretty cool either way. It's not spelt 1337 though, so that lowers the cool rating by 1.2 points.

Anyhow, ideally, I'd like to make a few more banners as time passes. They take me a while to do, for a couple reasons: a) I'm not a pro at graphics tools and b) I end up doing a lot of tweaking and fiddling until I get things to the point that I'm satisfied, so it's usually two hours to get things into shape, and then at least another 2 hours playing around with the vectors and layers until everything looks kosher. Kind of sad for four hours of work, but if you enjoy it, that's what matters.

Last update of the night to put up one last banner - one that I previously stuck up in a blog entry, but didn't really care for. I've played around with the look, and I'm pretty happy with it now. I applied a different gradient to the graf, and used a luminence blend on a background color in the layer above the moon and clouds to give it the blue tint. The photo for this was a great shot that I took up at Cowachin Bay while visiting some of Bay's relatives:

If you look at the lower left corner, you can see a ghost!

ZZzz..

So I was reading online about colds and flus, because that's what the little news ad at the bottom of MSN 6.0 was providing a link to. As an aside, I actually find that little guy pseudo-helpful (My r337ness level at work is far lower than normal). Anyhow, Here's a list of tips that were provided as being helpful for curing a cold:

Science to the rescue!

Horray!

Are we helpless then? Is that it? We've just got to suffer? Well, yes and no. I did some research, and here's the most consistent advice that medical science offers right now. Like any advice, it's not guaranteed--please consult your physician for information about all your personal health issues.

* Just say no to drugs. When it comes to colds, any medicine is worse than none at all. Cold symptoms are caused by your own troops, not the virus's. They're things your immune system is doing to cripple the intruders. Drugs that suppress your symptoms only hogtie your natural defenses.

This first tip made me really sad, because it meant I probably shouldn't slam back a hearty NyQuil cocktail as the answer to all my problems whenever I'm feeling sick. So now there's nothing to look forward to when you get sick.

* If you must use drugs, use single-symptom, generic drugs. So says the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Cold symptoms tend to appear in sequence, not all at once. So multi-symptom formulas often give you too much or not enough medicine for any given symptom. Avoid time-release capsules for the same reason. And the generic part? Cheaper. Everything you can get in a fancy bottle comes in a generic form too. It's the same medicine. Ask your pharmacist.

That's fine. I wonder if I can find some of the old school generic brand. Something with a bright yellow label that says I [heart] no name cough syrup! (I miss that generic brand name)

* Gargle with warm salt water if you have a sore throat. This hastens the healing process. In the meantime, suck hard candies. (But beware: A sore throat can be a symptom of an illness worse than a cold.)

This is true, but gargling with salt water also increases the chance of me projectile vomitting the salt water across my keyboard if I should happen to taste any of the vile stuff. I'll pass on this one.

* Drink 8 ounces of hot liquid every two hours. Cold liquids can contribute to congestion.

Spanish coffee and specialty hot chocolate is okay, Daiquiris and MaiTais are not.

* Use a cool cloth to control the discomfort of fever. (And remember that very high fevers can be used to set things on fire.)

Fire? That's weird.

* Inhale warm vapors to ease nasal congestion. You can just hold your face over a bowl of hot water and chant a mantra.

I chant mantras normally, so this one isn't anything I wasn't already aware of.

* Elevate your head at night so you can see the stars. Look for Orion, the Hunter. He's my favorite constellation.

What?

* Cough and cough and cough. Especially if it produces phlegm.

For that matter, start smoking so that you can cough even when you aren't sick.

* Avoid contact with cold germs. After all, the best offense is a good defense. During cold season, frequently disinfect doorknobs and common objects around your house with a disinfectant spray. Wash your hands frequently. Spray windex on your pets. If you have kids, send them away to a neighbours house for a few months, or at least until the main part of the cold/flu season is over.

Hmm, I plan on sending my kids away to live with the neighbours for extended periods of time. Basically, whenever they start acting up, they're going to the neighbours.

* I hate you.

Uhhhhh..

So, as you can see, there's clearly some very valuable tips here. I plan on putting most of these into action right away, so that I never have to worry about getting a cold again. If I spray you with Windex, take it as a compliment.

Bah, Gallery hasn't particularly impressed me. I find the need to hack the PHP file to get it to conform to my site design rather inelegant, and ideally, I'd like to be able to use a program that integrates with my site design easily, and that allows me to use a centralized approach, rather than having to apply my site design to a bunch of different pages. Graham says that he's working on a gallery script of his own right now, so I may borrow that when he's got it finished. No sense in re-inventing the wheel.

It's all good though, because I've got a ton of things to do right now, including learning how to use Adobe Photoshop, and trying to finish the site. Anyone that wants to see pictures will have to wait for me to find a different, more easily configurable gallery, or recommend me one.

Check out this line from a Photoshop tutorial I'm going through right now:

One other thing about filters: A little use goes a long way (unless you're employed by a rave promoter, of course).

Wicked!

Closing picture:

Took this a few months ago, before summer I think. Great colors on the clouds.

Quick update while I'm at work - I installed some gallery software on the ol' BSD box last night, and if I motivate myself, there's a 37% chance that I'll have it up and running with some pictures by the end of the evening. Keep your eyes open for a bunch of pictures that will have meaning to you only if you hang out with me regularly! Horray!

Few quick pictures before I head to sleep.

This was the first pic of the day. Cool macro shot of this little leaf dude. What's up leaf dude?

This is a picture of a twig. It is a metaphor for life.

This was some cool stump that had been overturned.

Mm, delicious water.

This is a cool shot of the trees at gold stream. At the bottom, we can see Graham using his ethereal powers while he takes a picture.

And a closing shot of goldstream. Pretty.

Yes, that's right, I'm going through the steps, learning to become a real ninja. I've skipped straight to step 3 - dye your hair jet black, because Time Life says that that is really the main key. Apparently, at night, I'll be almost completely invisible now.

I just realized I didn't post this earlier. Hmm.

I've compiled a list of benefits that I've already noticed about having darker hair:

1. People think I'm trying to be goth, so whenever I start to feel stupid about something I said, I can say "Whatever, you just don't understand me. You're so caught up in your little perfect sheltered non-conflicted world".

2. Dirt doesn't show up as easily in my hair, so I can get away with washing it less! Unfortunately, dandruff looks super obvious now, so this point is actually moot.

3. I'm better color-coordinated with my wallet now, so I'm less inclined to run out on bills instead of paying them.

4. My ninja rating has increased by six (6) points!

So, clearly, things are going to start to change around here. With my new found invisibility, I'll probably get up to a few shannanigans, all of which will be documented in hilarious fashion right here. Also, I'm probably going to go searching for a new social group to hang out with - some people that I really feel understand me, and who really get things, like the meaning behind lyrics like "I WANT YOUR SEX POOTIE". Deep.

No updates over the weekend, which generally means I was out having fun, which I WAS. Sadly, I had to return my recently acquired camera on Saturday, in preparation for the purpose of the next model up, the A80 UBER LASER CAMERA. According to the stats that I'm making up right now, this camera not only comes with a swivel LCD display, it can also control Russian satelites. I'm pretty stoked for this, because I'm really getting tired of not receiving any Russian channels on my TV.

Both days of the weekend were spent out gathering pictures with Graham, which is turning out to be a pretty cool hobby. Generally speaking, I have a tendency to get really into something, and then kind of just get lazy with it, and move on to something else. Hopefully that won't be an issue with taking pictures.

I hope to finish the rest of the work on this site sometime this week, and that'll mean (ideally) putting up a photo gallery (so that people can see the X rated pictures that I can't put up on the main site), links to some music mixes (most of which will also include Graham, since he's the diligent DJ out of the two of us, and thus usually the one spinning), and maybe some video clips of me dancing, depending on how self-indulgent I want to be.

How about I drop some science? (should read: sound stupid and like I'm trying to be deep). Graham sent me a link to an online journal just now, and most of the entries are pretty dramatic. In truth, the journal sounds pretty much like what you would expect from a conflicted teenager. That's fair, because I've been there myself, being pretty depressed in junior high school, and feeling like nobody liked me, and like I was a dirty orphan, etc.. Pretty standard stuff I think. Graham raised a good point though, and that is that it's not really something that we would want to read. In fact, I would think that it's not really something most people would want to read (unless I'm horribly off track here, which is quite probable).

It made me wonder, for thoughts and introspection that seem mostly intended for yourself, why would someone choose to post them in a blog rather than writing them in a personal diary, be it one that is online but password protected, or in a book that they can carry around with them? I guess the first thing that would spring to mind would be that it's a cry for attention, and it probably is, though maybe not to quite such an extent.

I think that the main reason for posting things that may seem personal is that blogs present a unique way to convey information and feelings. If I want to tell someone something, but I can't really bring myself to say it to them directly (be it face to face, or over the phone, or even through a private message), I can post something about it in my blog, knowing that they'll read it. If I like someone, but I'm too shy to tell them directly, I could post something like "this dreamcake guy that I've been hanging out with lately is so burly and masculine. He's just like the hero in the erotica book I'm currently reading, and I'm hanging out with him later on today".

Okay, so I joke a little, but I think the point is still valid - a blog can give you one further step of anonymity, and help you put more of your thoughts and feelings out there than you might otherwise have been able to.

The thing I'm left wondering is: Is that increased anonymity a good thing? For centuries we've lived without computers, maintaining purely physical connections with people, and gotten along fine. Doesn't anonymous communication go against the very way we have evolved to be? How far will it end up going? I'm reminded of Isaac Asimov's Solarians, who took it to such an extent that there lived only a few thousand people on an entire planet, each commanding a huge estate and thousands of robots, and being completely repulsed by physical proximity with another human.

We're obviously a long way from that - I mean, the only robot I've seen thus far that could do the sort of things I would want done on my estate was Screech's robot on Saved by the Bell. All the same, it's an interesting direction we're taking (well, I think so, and if you read to the bottom of this, maybe you do to), and it'll be interesting to see how it turns out. Guess we'll just have to wait and see.

Quick update, to post a link that Myron hid down admidst some comments from an earlier post.

Hmmm, am I desperate to fit in and be accepted? Am I just going for shock value? YOU DECIDE:

Small update tonight, I'm trying to get some more themes set up, purely for eye candy and experience. Tomorrow, pictures from goldstream that may be interesting only to me, and a picture of Adam v. Goth.0.21.

Well, I couldn't believe it at first, but at last all of my dreams have come true. The new oracle in Matrix Revolutions is in fact the very same actress that played Kenny's mother in BEATSTREET. Yes, I KNOW! I couldn't believe it either until I went and looked up the cast listings for both movies, and much to my delight, it's true.

Before we get much deeper into that though, I'd like to take a moment to give a little bit of background on BEATSTREET. BEATSTREET is typically described as Some teens from the Bronx find their outlets in "breakdancing", or The story concerns a group of Bronx teens using their dancing, rapping, and artistic skills to lift themselves out of the ghetto. These descriptions just don't do justice to the magic that is BEATSTREET (after about four more times, that'll get annoying, and after about another eight times, you'll stop noticing). BEATSTREET, in terms of coolness, is kind of like Degrassi High. With less ugly people. And breakdancing. And there's some rapping and graffing in there. And lines like "Come on Ramo, We GOTTA! All you eva talk about is white trains!", and "Yo, all yo boyz iz bitahz! So whassup wit dat?" followed with "Yo, yo moves ain't worth the bit, so whassup wit DAT????" Truer lines were never spoken.

Now, there can be no doubt that BEATSTREET is a fabulous movie, but I really feel that without Mary Alice carrying the role of mother, it would have been like Degrassi High without Joey Jeremiah. Not a pretty picture. Below is a picture of what Matrix Revolutions would look like without Mary Alice:

Not pretty. And now a picture of the Matrix Revolutions with her in it:

Clearly, far superior!

Also, just for good measure, more gratuitous pictures from BEATSTREET. This here is Ramo, the graffitti scrawling rapscallion in the movie:

And this here is SPIT.

Spit is the badass villain of the movie. Spit sucks so much at graffing that when he'd make one, everyone thought that someone else had already gone and messed it up. So now, he lurks in the shadows and sprays his name over top of everyone else's grafs. What a DICK! Anyhow, you can tell how much of a badass he is because he's wearing a vest that has his name spraypainted on it. Don't mess around yo.

This last shot is me playing around with 3D effects in honor of Ramo.

Oh, and lastly, for anyone that didn't get it, the eggs/legs line above is from BEATSTREET - come on!

Everyone loves to bash George Bush. He's such an easy target, and talking about politics makes everyone feel intelligent. It's easy to parrot whatever you've heard someone else talking about, and with George Bush, it seems like people think they're expressing ideas of vast intellectual clarity simply by saying "Bush's foreign policy is RETARDED. He's a DICK".

I too think he's a dick, but I don't pretend to know things like his foreign policy. It seems to me that there's a lot of war involved with it, but other than that, I really couldn't tell you what it's goals are. I probably couldn't even do a good job explaining WHAT things a foreign policy is meant to detail.

What I like to do when I hear someone that sounds like they're spouting stuff they overheard in a coffee shop is ask them "What exactly IS Bush's foreign policy?". I'm not trying to be a dick - I'm genuinely interested. If the person ends up proving his ignorance by saying something like "Look at it, it's so obvious. All he does is fight wars", then so be it.. I gave them the chance to prove otherwise.

That being said, here's my chance to be a hypocrite, and parrot something I just read on-line (and thus, it must be true). From the Philidelphia Inquirer:

WASHINGTON - Concerned about the appearance of disarray and feuding within his administration as well as growing resistance to his policies in Iraq, President Bush - living up to his recent declaration that he is in charge - told his top officials to "stop the leaks" to the media, or else.

News of Bush's order leaked almost immediately.

Bahahahaha!

The infighting, backstabbing and maneuvering on such major foreign-policy issues as North Korea, Syria, Iran and postwar Iraq have escalated to a level that veterans of government say they have not seen in years. At one point, the senior official said, Bush himself asked how bad it was.

"This isn't as bad as [George] Shultz vs. [Caspar] Weinberger, is it?" he asked, referring to a legendary Reagan administration rivalry between secretaries of state and defense. One top official reportedly nodded and said it was "way worse."

So basically Bush is about as adept at keeping things under his control here at home as he is over in Iraq. Oh well, this probably doesn't come as much as a surprise to any of us, but it's interesting to read. The rest of the article can be found here.

In all fairness, I should mention that I honestly have no idea how bad things like media leaks are for our own Jean Chretien, and that we might face similar problems. I honestly couldn't say, but it's important to consider the fact that we too are far from perfect - we're just less in the limelight than our boy Bush.

Ignore the title unless you're Myron...

Man, I get started on these graphic projects, and before I know it, I've wasted 3 hours. You'd think with three hours, I'd at least get something fabulous, but this session was pretty fruitless:

This was meant to be a new banner for the site, but it's been really slow going. I like the background, and I like the colors for the graf, but there's something about the lettering that doesn't feel quite right. For at least the last hour, I've been doing nothing but messing around with that, and still haven't gotten things the way I like them. Oh well, perhaps another day.

In other news, I've decided that I simply MUST return my camera. I tried my hardest to prove to myself that I didn't need the next model up, but I just know that if I don't buy the PowerShot A80, I'm going to be regretting the fact that I don't have a swivel LCD screen everytime Graham busts his out. What a jerkstore.

DaveyB has also finally updated his blog, after a long hiatus. That in itself isn't really post worthy, but the reason for his dissapearance is - he too got the kaibosh (the KAIBOSH!) put on his internet connection by Telus. Apparently, he downloaded Kill Bill (go see it!) and Underworld, and then the next day, his internet was clipped. It seems that Telus's way of dealing with copyright infringement charges is to cut off your internet, wait for you to call and then lecture you. Davey used the tried and true technique of sitting there with no internet for four days, at which point Telus realized they were fighting a super genius, and they might as well just give him his internet back.

I just realized I haven't provided my own back story that relates to Dave's incident. About two weeks ago, I used BitTorrent (a lightning quick file sharing program, but one that offers users no anonymity whatsoever) to download Johnny English. My internet got cut off while I was at work, and I had no idea what had happened. When I came home after the gym (and tired too, might I add), I checked my messages, and had one saying my internet had been cut off due to a complaint of copyright infringement from Universal Studios.

Naturally, my first reaction was to wet myself. I had no idea how severe things were, and for all I knew, I was going to get my PANTS sued off (which was fine by me, I'd already peed in them at this point). Apparently, a security guard would compile a report, and then come and see me.

So, I was panicking a little at this point. Logically, I decided the best thing to do would be to grab ALL of my burnt media and put it somewhere, just in case the security guard was coming to do a full search. As luck would have it, as I had two big piles of CD-Rs on my computer desk, I get a knock on my door, and HORRAY, it's the security guard. He asked if I wanted to "do this" inside, rather than the hallway where my neighbours would hear, so naturally I told him that the hallway would be just dandy.

Anyhow, it wasn't that bad. I just had to be co-operative, and show him I'd erased it from my hard-drive. Of course, I got a lecture, and then after that was all finished, I had to go through three more lectures, run back and forth across campus at least twice, and listen to a bunch of people act holier than thou and talk down to me, as if they or their kids don't do the EXACT SAME THING. This was obviously the most frustrating part of the experience. I understand that what I did was wrong, and that's fine. I'm willing to pay the consequences. But don't act like you're better than me, or that you don't do the same thing. We ALL file share in some way or another (if not, please post a comment so I can tell you that it's okay not to be afraid of the future), so let's just accept that we're a bunch of crooks and move on.

Anyhow, enough of that rant. This last picture is just a quick one I took out of a book I own. It's called Amazing Cross-sections. It's probably the coolest book I own, if measured on a straight coolness level basis (rather than trying to compare it against literary value of something like a Wheel of Time book). The book has super detailed cross-sections of a ton of different things, such as a medieval castle (9 pages) and a Man-o-War (15 pages). The detail of the cross-sections is fantastic, as is the descriptions given for everything. For someone like me who's obsessed with reading about all of the little things around us (as well as the big) it's a must have book. Looks nice on a coffee table too.

Just to finish off, I'm currently listening to James Holden's CD Balance 05, on Davin's recommendation. It's a really great set, featuring a lot of what I would describe as border-line trance/techno. I'm more of a house connoisseur myself, so I find it difficult to find good music of this style (there's a LOT of bad techno out there if you don't know what to look for. Mind you, I guess the same could be said for any genre). If you like this style of music, or are just looking for something different, I'd say it's definitely worth the listen.

Quick blog entry tonight, because I'm trying to get these templates to work properly. Much to my CONSTERNATION (Yah, that's right), I've discovered that IE has once again chosen to render css tags however it damn well pleases. As a result, I have to fall back on using tables. Less elegant, in my opinion, but it'll get the job done.

Some pictures of my beautiful girlfriend:

She's awfully cheeky, but she plays the role well.

Today was round two of myself and Graham's attempt to take some pictures, since yesterday was a lost cause thanks to the weather. Good casual day, and nothing left to do but relax and wait for Bay to come over.

I liked the way the breakwater looked through this fence. It reminds me of the time I spent in prison.

This is a shot of the inside of a chinese restaurant that says the building is for lease. I thought it was weird that they still have forks on the tables, soy sauce sitting in the bottles (mmM!) and everything else set up ready for dinner.

This picture is a little unfortunate, because it looks like I photoshopped it. Graham really gets the credit for this, because he was the one that was initially going to take the shot. This needle was just hanging from a spider web. I wish the background had showed up a little better.

This last one is just me playing around. Not really sure if I like it, but by posting it, at least I have something to gauge my improvement by.

So I have a new camera, and that naturally means that wherever I happen to be, I'm snapping pictures nonstop. The uber memory stick I bought can hold like 260 pictures of the best quality possible, so there's no reason to go light on the photographs. The funny thing I noticed is that people tend to be bothered a lot less by having pictures taken of them than they do of having a video camera in their face (excluding, of course, people that have decided they want to exploit themselves on TV for the potential to win $100,000).

I guess it makes sense. A video camera is far more intrusive - it's always on, you can't pick and choose how you're going to look like you can with a camera (cheese!), and it forces you to maintain your front. The thing about a video camera is that you don't know who's going to be watching the video. If even only on a subconcious level, it can force you to present your front at full force - acting the way you would when meeting someone brand new for the first time. Or maybe that's just how it makes me feel.

The new banner should be loading at the top of the page now, but I still need to do some editing before I'm fully happy with it, and I need to tweak the css sheets to get the banner and the blog name to load in the center of the page, rather than justified to the left. The graf I made tonight, and both the cloud background and picture of me were taken today with my new camera. Sleep time.

Oof, so begins the second day of feasting. I've got a new camera now, so for the next week or so, I figure there's going to be an overload of images being posted with my entries. Things'll calm down after that, so don't get too excited.

This is Bay being a sly ninja after turkey feast number 1.

And this is me tenderly holding a new purchase. Now I've got an excuse to be unproductive for the next two weeks (I only watch DVDs in slow motion. It makes me feel like a time traveller).

Thanksgiving is upon us, and what better way to start the holiday by drinking some coffee and buying an expensive camera? That of course means dressing nicely and haggling over prices with the jerks that are going to try and gauge me at FutureShop, but that comes with the territory.

Other than wasting money, tonight holds the first of TWO turkey dinners. Turkey dinners include a lot of wine, in my experience. A lot of turkey and a lot of wine leads to a lot of sleep and lethargy on my part. Ideally, that means nothing at ALL will have changed between 5PM tonight and 11PM Monday evening. That means I don't have to update. Sweetness.

In the meantime, another image to keep all 0 of you occupied:

Go see Kill Bill!

Quick update, just to put up another picture... Alright, after lunch, research, NON-STOP.

And now, back from Kill Bill. We started off the night with drinks, Bay and I meeting up with Graham, Ashley, Ben, Shaun, Katie, Davin, and Ria. Drank a few beers, and then headed over to the theatre. Great movie. Great music, great cast, great integration of anime with live action, great dialogue, great Tarantino. I love the guy. His movies are so original (at least in my opinion), and I've never come away from a Band Apart movie dissapointed.

I would have to say that the only two things I didn't like about this movie is that I have to wait another four months before I get to see the sequel, and there was no Tarantino cameo. Some people think it's self-indulgent to put cameo yourself in the movie, and they're right.. But who cares? If you've gone to all this effort to write a script for a movie, I think you've earned at least the right to appear in your own movie for 10 minutes. I like the characters Tarantino puts himself in too, even if they are all similar. I don't complain when I see the character that Vince Vaughn plays so well show up in a movie, and I don't complain when I see Tarantino's stock character show up either.

If you can handle gratuitous gore (the movie wouldn't feel right without), then do yourself a favour and go see Kill Bill.

Oof, boring day. I'm working a job that involves a good deal of research, and a small amount of direction. I don't mind research; in fact, I really enjoy learning. However, I can only do so much research on a given subject before I start to grow bored, and go off looking for other things to occupy my time. While some of the material I have to read through is pretty complicated, it doesn't feel challenging unless I get a chance to actually implement some of this stuff.

That being said, most of my time outside of work the past few days has been spent reading up on Moveable Type's options, tags and templates, and trying to teach myself how to use Paintshop Pro (my r337ness level is way too low to use Photoshop). Given that I have artistic skills barely surpassing those of a carrot, it's been pretty slow going. This tag is a product of about an hours worth of work:

I've always toyed around with graffing. I don't have the spatial ability to create the really good 3D tags that you can see on some of the walls around Victoria, but I'm pretty pleased by how this one turned out. Paintshop programs offer a MUCH more convenient means to experiment with this sort of stuff, as I don't have to worry about screwing up a graf that's almost done and that I'm happy with, or fixing the one curve that isn't quite right.

Tomorrow - KILL BILL! TOOT TOOT! This marks the beginning of what might quite possibly be the best three months of movies I've ever experienced.

Woot! Well, it's up, and not without some heavy geek work. I've spent the last three nights configuring my FreeBSD box (and temporarily breaking every program that retrieved text from the user) and fighting with the install scripts provided by Moveable Type to get everything up. It's been a battle, but it's here now, and I can pat myself on the back for a semi-geek task successfully completed.

I'm not sure what direction this blog is going to take, or even if I have the motivation to keep it updated and ongoing. Time will tell. In the meantime, I'm going to attack the look and feel of the site, and see how I do there.