March 2004 Archives

Yes! I do still sometimes write in the blog. Actually, today is going to be a temporary suspension of the normal hilarity and shannigans that I like to vent through this site, and I'm going to take things back to the roots today and just give a run-down of what I've been doing as of late.

I think that's probably fair, because I haven't actually used this site as a blog in some time, and I haven't really had a chance to keep in touch with everyone due to the nature of my classes this term.

I guess it's kind of a lousy excuse, but things really have been insane - taking only three classes, I figured I would have had a little more spare time. Granted, I've had time to go and drink green beer on St. Patricks day, and to go for beers now and then, but all in all, there hasn't been as much relaxation as I would have liked.

My biggest class is over with now - no final exam, which is good, somewhat, because it means I was able to make certain I got a really good grade in that class. The nice thing about a class that relies solely on project builds is that you can put massive effort into your project, make sure it works, and know that you're going to get a great mark, because computer science is generally an objective subject, meaning I'm not really going to lose marks because the marker didn't like my program's name, or because I chose to name one of my variables assReamer. The bad part about that is that I can say, without any embellishment, that I've easily spent over 150 solid hours working in the lab on these builds. That's a bit crazy, especially when I'm not getting paid at all to do it.

Anyhow, the last demo for that class was on Tuesday, and I've already completely flushed the contents of my memory with regards to its subject material. I've still got another project that is due, as well as a midterm and two finals, but the midterm is easy enough to study for now that it is my only immediate concern, and finals are never really too much to worry about. As a result, I can already feel myself starting to slip into summer mode.

Summer mode is a good choice of mode to slip into, because in less than a month, I'm heading off to Hawaii for a couple of weeks, to do nothing but drink heavily and develop some weird kind of liver condition where my liver forcefully exits my body and leaves to find someone that cares about its health a little more. There'll probably be some tanning going on, and swimming, and I suppose I'll have to do some touristy stuff while I'm there too. Big dissapointment for me - no night life on the island we'll be staying at. I was kind of hoping to have a few drinks and go and let loose a little bit - I've only gone out dancing one or two times this term, and I really start to get an ache for it after a while - Hawaii would have been a great way to blow off some steam.

However, I have heard that there are people that get down on the streets in Hawaii. When I ran my dancing website, I can remember talking to a really cool older guy that was a fantastic dancer, and he hailed from Hawaii - he used to tell me he would go out and get down with his friends, even though he was in his 30-40s (which only makes him cooler - if I saw a guy ripping it up on the side of the street, and he was twice my age, I would totally have to give him props).

I'd also been a little worried about the prospect of graduating and then not having any clue what to do. Hawaii was a great break right after exams were over, but having to come back to the general ball-suckiness of searching for a job would definitely have been a dark cloud hanging over my head. Fortunately, I got hired for a job from this summer and onwards, essentially solving all my problems. As anyone reading can imagine, I'm pretty stoked about that - aside from co-op, I've never actually worked a real job that has been related to my field of choice, and it finally feels like I'm stepping out into the world as more than just a kid.

As an aside, I think that co-op experience is probably the single most valuable thing you can do while going to University/College. My first co-op job was an absolutely amazing experience where I got to work with cool people, an absolutely awesome boss, and had the chance to gain ass-loads of practical experience. That job turned into a part-time job that essentially helped me pay my way through school over the past three years, and through it, I gained some friendships that I hope will stick with me far into the future. I really can't stress enough how important the co-op experience is - I think that anyone that has the choice to do it, but chooses not to is really missing out.

Now that I've got my summer all lined up, I'm dying to put the current term behind me. As I said, I'm already in summer mode, and it's hard to keep my drive going until the very end of my class, especially when both of my final exams (the last ones I'll ever write for my Bachelor's degree) occur one and two days before I go to Hawaii. Not only that, but compared to what I hope my new job will turn out to be, my current job is really boring. I like the people I work with, but I totally don't feel like I'm being challenged, or like my skills are being put to good use. I mean, I'm currently designing a website, making prototypes based on two different shades of blue, and waiting to hear what color people like better. When I'm not doing that, I'm troubleshooting audio and video connections for users that want to connect and talk with us. So basically I'm helpdesk/webpage designer - a Computer Science degree really isn't necessary for this kind of stuff. Actually, come to think of it, I have a friend that I play squash with who's got a degree in writing, and he's currently doing computer work that is more challenging than what I'm doing. Something's not right there.

On top of all that, when I first started, I was told I'd get paid X amount of dollars a month, and then as an incentive for doing good work, I would get raises. I've been told numerous times by my supervisor that she's really happy with my work ethic and the quality of my work, but I have yet to see a single penny more come the way of my paycheques. I'm glad to have the job, and work is rarely about the money for me, but I really resent it when people promise to do something, and then blatantly don't follow through with it. Talk is cheap - if you're really happy with my work, make good on the promises you made and GIVE ME SOME SCRILLA.

Spare time is mostly occupied with a ton of squash these days. I'm trying to train really hard, because I came upon the realization that I absolutely love squash, and I can't stick with something unless I can see and feel myself improving. Squash is a deceptively complex game - it appears really simple, and it doesn't seem like there would be that much difficulty in the game, but even something as apparently easy ashitting the ball off the front wall and having it come back straight along the side wall takes many weeks (months, years, etc.) to perfect. That's fine with me, I'm not scared by putting in time practicing, so I've been doing drills with my friends almost every night of the week when I can fit it in. I'm finally starting to see some improvement, which is great, because it adds to the motivation - practicing and seeing no results can put a real damper on your desire to stick with it.

That's about enough for now I think - as soon as I have a chance, I'll bring back the hilarity, and until then, keep checking back every so often.

It's your big job interview, and you're all excited. You've taken all the steps to ensure your success: your wearing the good pair of underwear you own that doesn't give you male-itch and make you fidget when being asked question, you're wearing your Axe deodorant spary to use the Axe effect to your full advantage, hopefully having some sex in the elevator on your way up to the job interview, and you've kidnapped the supervisor's daughter. What could possibly go wrong at this point?

I'll tell you what: You've got toilet paper stuck to your face. Why? Because you cut yourself shaving, and you're obviously a moron. Here's a tip nutbar: Take the toilet paper off your face before you leave the house. But even if you're not as dumb as toilet paper-face Joe, you've still cut yourself a bunch whilst shaving, and now you're going to look stupid. You need to do one of two things: Create a totally awesome story to describe how you got the cuts ("on my way to work, I had to save you from a bear attack. You owe me your life. Hire me and we'll call it even"), or buy yourself a new razor blade.

There's a lot of razors out there to consider these days, especially when you factor in the new color of razor released on a weekly basis by the good folks at Gillette (company motto: Because ten razor blades is better than one). Today, I'm going to walk you through some of the difficult choices that you'll have to make when buying a razor, or as I like to call it, "the tool you will be using to scrape layers of skin off your face for the next three years".

As I mentioned before (maybe) the most prominent razor these days is made by Gillette (company motto: Enough colors of razors to induce epilieptic seizures). Gillette has got a standard run-of-the-mill two blade razor called the Gillette Sensor Excel Ninja Katana Blade or something like that. This is pretty much your run of the mill, you're a loser and you suck, kind of razor blade. Looking at the package this razor comes in, you can tell that Gillette's attitude towards this razor is pretty much "you might as well be rubbing manure on your face". Naturally, this is my razor of choice.

We're going to come back to the Gillette in a moment, but first I'd like to take a brief look at one of the competitors: The Wilkinson Sword (runner-up name: The Wilkinson Guillotine). The Wilkinson Sword is meant to protect your face somehow by having these little metal wires running vertically across the horizontal razor blades. I'm not sure exactly how this is meant to work, because the end result is just that you leave little parts of your face unshaved:

Introducing the new stream-lined look. Coming soon to a computer store sales associate near you!

Looking good buddy.

Obviously the Wilkinson Sword sucks ass, so we're not going to waste any more time on it. Let's move up to the big guns: The Mach3. Actually, the newest addition to the big guns is called the Mach3 TURBO. I'm not exactly sure what else it does, but I'll find out. Anyhow, the Mach3. How best to describe it..

I can remember a few years back, my friends and I rented an Ultimate Fighting Championship video tape. If you haven't ever seen or heard of the UFC, it's basically just a mostly no-rules fighting tournament. It's not generally as exciting as it sounds, but that's not important. Anyhow, there came this one part of the film where one guy had another guy in a hold, but the other guy wouldnt' give up. So the guy on top just starts punching his opponent in the testicles repeatedly for two or three minutes. That's what the Mach3 does to your face. Women will be especially interested in the Mach3, because it imparts a beautiful rosy glow to your face after use, allowing you to save virtually BILLIONS of dollars on blush. This glow is mostly due to the effect the Mach3 has of tearing off the top six layers of your skin along with any hair you may have there.

I was searching online for some reviews of this remarkable product, and came across this one here:

Reality is that I have no choice in shaving - I have adult movies to do, and I can't have five o'clock man-groin shadow.

Enter the Gillette (company motto: We hate your facial skin) Mach 3. This was the first proper razor I got. Before this I used my fathers, and after that, a swiss army knife. Remember, you didn't shave half as much in them days.

I'm not quite sure how the frequency that you shave your man-groin relates to the shaving implement you use - I think a swiss army knife would suck if you shaved with it four times a day or once a week.

First off this razor is stylish, as stylish as a razor can be. The packaging is excellent and is an extension of the established and trusted Gillette brand.

Yes. When I picked this razor up off the shelf, I thought, "Wowwee! This package is some pimp-shit right here. What a totally awesome extension of the brand. I bet a little piece of Gillette's soul exists in this package." Following this guys example, I then proceeded to rub the packaging all over the front of my pants.

The razor itself is even more classy. It's designed to be ergonomically sound and gives off a sort of confidence even before you start the shave.

The most important part of any shave. See shaving is like playing a sport. You have to think positively through the whole thing. A lot of times, I chant to myself "Be the razor. Punch the hair in the testicles. Be the razor." Sometimes I like to stand right over Bay when she's asleep and do this. I have a feeling that that's why she's been having the dreams she's been complaining about. It's totally awesome.

To be honest this relationship has been built on commitment stemming from my affair with a lesser brand of razor made me realise I'd been taking it for granted. Unfortunately my girlfriend wouldn't let me sleep with the blonde four doors away to see if it would have the same benefit on our relationship. That's really unfortunate too, because I think that Lance is really hot. Oh well.

That last bit really tells us the most important part about this razor. It will make you weird and refer to itself as though it;s human.

Here are some other rave reviews the Mach3 has had:

"The closeness of the shave you get with the Mach3 is like dumping a vat of acid on your face and burning off all your hair, and only slightly more irritating to your skin." -- Manfred Wilson

"No, we don't think charging $17.50 for individual razor blades is unreasonable at all - did you see the totally awesome colors our razor comes in?" -- Gillette Representative

The last quote brings to our attention another important feature of the Gillette (company motto: Like rubbing your face against a cheese grater) series of razor blades: They release a new color of razor blade roughly every two weeks. The color of your razor obviously makes a huge difference in how effective and smooth your shave is, so I've included a handy color chart below to help you choose the right color for you:

Standard Black/Silver Mach3: A really good choice if you're boring and don't get any dates.
Totally Radical Red Mach3: This racecar red razor is perfect if you're blood shy. The bright red of the razor helps detract from the blood that will be spurting from the major arteries you've cut open when shaving, and will make you the envy of your neighbourhood.
Bodacious Blue Mach3: Blue has often been referred to as a very sensual sexy color, and things are no different in this case. The blue Mach3 razor is for any guy out there that considers himself a real ladies man. Wear the razor in your pocket out on dates for a sure quickie at the end of the night.
Perfectly Pink Mach3: This razor was designed specifically for Ricky Martin, and is very difficult to track down.
Yucky Yellow Mach3: This razor, or any other color razor, is best used by virtually every single guy in Computer Science and Engineering that has really ugly facial hair, thinking that it somehow adds to their character. Shave off the hideously ugly goatee!

There are other colours slated to come out soon, but it'll be a while before I can compile and add them to the color list. Nevertheless, this chart gives a very handy starting point for everyone considering buying a razor, but unsure which color is best for them.

Anyhow, this is should give everyone a good starting point for buying a razor. If you're thinking of the Mach3, I would recommend just buying one of those meatslicers they use at the butcher's - it'll definitely give you a cleaner shave, and you can use it to slice meat too.