The theme for this week turns out to be miracles. I didn’t think that’s what it would be. I thought it would be hate, or anger, or frustration or defeat.
I wrote this post for Evergrowth earlier in the week, in the throes of a breakdown. Struggling to be with my stuff. Hanging out in panic.
It’s ugly when I start panicking. It’s busy too. So busy. I get working hard, I stop focusing on my heart, what really matters and the things around me.
But then stuff started to shift. Slowly. Somehow, it started to seem less like everything was falling apart around me. I got supported by people. People were telling me, if I could listen, what a profound difference we were making in their lives every time we had a coaching session.
In one of my coaching sessions with Steve Chandler, he had me look at the places I was currently underserving my clients, and I saw opportunities everywhere to take things even further. To be the coach that doesn’t stop at “customer satisfaction”, and instead aims for “customer astonishment”. And I took those on too.
I was out for dinner last night to celebrate my birthday with Bay, and Happy, by Pharrell Williams came on.
I said “Man, this is such a good song, what is this?”. Bay told me about Pharrell Williams, and what the song was about. Her enthusiasm kind of touched me.
Then I woke up this morning and put on the song just before a client call. While watching the video, suddenly a chord was struck in my heart. Then six more chords were struck. Then the whole piano came crashing down.
Suddenly, I was crying. I was overcome with emotion. Joy. A release. I started to manage it, to avoid being too emotional — what if Bay saw me crying because of a music video?
But then I realized:
WHO FUCKING CARES?
After reading about the song on Wikipedia, I saw this link to Steve Carell (along with a bunch of other people) dancing to the song, and I got hit again, right in the heart. The emotion didn’t run out or stop before my client called, and I didn’t want it to. I answered the phone, and choked out that I wanted to share what had just happened with him. And then, while doing so, I had to put the phone down for a few seconds, just to be with everything that was showing up.
I went over and hugged Bay, and then came back and just sat with my client.
I’ve been searching for intimacy for 2.5 years, and this morning, one day after my 35th birthday, a miracle occurred. Suddenly it was right there, sitting in front of me. Rolling down my cheeks and making it hard to speak.
Miracles can happen. Thanks for letting me share mine.