It was the first time I’d met her, and our conversation explored a variety of topics.
We had a similar background, and we were both eager to share our experiences.
It was an intimate conversation — each of us feeling out the landscape, exploring what was acceptable, what wasn’t.
I was sharing what brought me into the legal profession, and my underlying story.
“Underneath it all, I have a story that I’m a loser”.
I had another forty things lined up to say after that.
Each one of them was fascinating; A nugget of wisdom.
But they were also a distraction. Each one of them was a pull away from the impact of what I’d shared.
“Underneath it all, I have a story that I’m a loser”.
I stopped myself, and put my attention on my breath.
I breathed deeply, up into my shoulders, and down into my stomach.
I made eye contact with her and shared “I just want to let that have the impact that it deserves. I don’t want to run past it”.
In some ways, I was lying to her.
On the surface, I really didn’t want to let it have its impact. I wanted to run past it — keep her entertained with my brilliance. Tell her more stories that made it really clear I knew the deeper story wasn’t true.
I breathed again.
Then she shared. “I can never do enough”
That time I really felt her. My heart broke in that moment. I felt the impact of that truth.
And then I asked her, “This might sound weird, but may I give you a hug?”
And then I realized that I was no longer the same person I was two years ago.
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