EMPOWERED VICTIMHOOD IN LEADERSHIP

Here’s a nice juicy piece of leadership bullshit. Eat up.

I’m going to break down where this piece of writing leads us initially as far as leadership is concerned, and why it’s the wrong direction.

You could argue that this isn’t really about leadership, as its ultimately talking about the cost of connecting with people, and realizing that the exhaustion you feel is actually a function of how deep you are, rather than something being wrong with you.

The context for leadership that we’re operating with is that deepening your leadership means you deepen your capacity and ability to meet the world as it is, and to have create the impact you desire from that place.

So, the more I grow as a leader, the greater the number of people I can impact, and the more I can meet with and interact with the world from that place.

This piece creates a different context for leadership — that the more we deepen, the harder it is for us to interact with the world, and that’s not on you.

If we hold that deepening yourself and stretching your brain is an inherent part of leadership (and you’re free to disagree with that premise), then this piece is suggesting that growing in your leadership makes it harder to engage with and meet the world.

This premise is bullshit.

The ontology of this piece is empowered victimhood.

While I find it obnoxious when others tell me to re-read a sentence they just wrote (“Actually, I’m quite good at reading, fuck you very much”), I want to underline this point, because it’s the central issue with this piece.

The piece above creates a context of empowered victimhood — one of the most pernicious leadership traps. This particular way of being is at the heart of most bad, entitled leadership.

This piece relieves us of the challenge we find when people aren’t meeting us in the conversation we feel is the correct one to have.

When you show up with a desire for “deep talks” and the person across from you doesn’t respond the way you feel they should — don’t worry. That’s not on you, that’s on them.

The exhaustion you feel is a function of having to deal with other people that aren’t operating at your level. It’s the consequence of all of the deep work you’ve done

This kind of piece is reflective of so much of what is wrong with today’s leadership conversations.

Conversations that start with sentences like:

• “They weren’t a candidate for leadership”
• “They’re uncoachable”
• “They just didn’t want it enough”
• “It’s not my fault, they just weren’t open to what I was bringing”
• and even, “I would lead up, but my bosses aren’t open to this conversation”

Certainly, it’s a relief sometimes to be let off the hook for the fact that connection, conversations and interactions in general are all challenging.

We are entitled to our preferences, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

But as soon as we start equating deepening ourselves and stretching our mind with loneliness and exhaustion, we’re further entrenching ourselves in the way things are.

As you initially begin your quest to deepen, you will find that there are people that don’t have a context in which to hold things the way you now do.

But this piece implies that this is the endpoint of your work, rather than a milestone along the way.

Deepening our leadership and consciousness is about becoming ever more adept at meeting the world with love and acceptance exactly as it is.

This stands in stark contrast to the eye-roll-y tolerance that is easily arrived at from stands like this piece.

When the leader is met with blank stares, they get curious about how they might be blocking the connection they want.

“I wonder where I lost them? How can I better meet this person where they are, and deepen the conversation in partnership with them?”

Our exhaustion is a sign that there is something we are in resistance to, and a trailhead to the next stage of our work — not a sign of our depth in contrast to their shallowness.

Each part of life that you find exhausting is sacred. The leader knows this, and looks relentlessly for the places where they are self-aggrandizing in this way.

It’s okay to be exhausted. Transformation is challenging. Take your time and give yourself space.

Just remember that when you’re ready, the exhaustion points the way to what is next for you.