If you look around at the life you are currently living, you might notice that it makes sense.
All of the way things go, all of the decisions you make, all of the stuff you have, and all of the stuff you don’t have — there are good, rational reasons for all of it.
We could argue that there are certain things we do for which there is no justification (like that bag of chips I crushed yesterday when I said I wanted to lose some weight), but even that fits consistently with the life we have assembled around us.
The stuff we love about our life fits in because it makes sense. And the stuff we complain about has a justification for why it’s there to be complained about, rather than getting handled once and for all.
Our current life all fits together.
So, it stands to reason, that if you aim to step into anything that is not already available in your current life, you’re going to have some really good reasons for “why not”.
And this is the first thing that stands in the way of having things go differently.
Imagine I have built up a life based around avoiding the rejection that I’m terrified about, including justifying my loneliness, and then learning to take comfort in my solitude. As soon as we support me to step into creating the forever relationship I might really want, I’m going to have great reasons for “why not”.
“Things aren’t that bad, I don’t mind being by myself.”
“I’m not meeting anyone that I’m comfortable revealing myself to.”
“I can’t approach them, I feel too awkward and they wouldn’t accept me anyhow.”
These objections are fine — but they’re also a function of my current context; my current life.
All of the reasons I have for not taking the next action are created from inside my current life and my existing circumstances. And consequently, those reasons will ensure I keep getting more of my current life.
To really create what’s next, we have to begin by stepping into the way of being that would accompany that life. Who and how would I be showing up, if I already had the partner of my dreams? How would I need to be showing up to meet that person? What will be necessary, and what will my identity need to shift to?
This is challenging work.
It’s scary, because we haven’t yet created that life, so we don’t have evidence that what we attempt will work. If we lean over the threshold, out past our objections and the reasonableness of our current life, we might fail. In fact, we almost definitely will fail at first, and that will be scary and confronting.
In some ways, it can feel like we’re being literally crazy. We’re going against our very instinct — or at least the instinct we’ve honed to maintain the life we currently have.
In truth, it is crazy, and the fear is justified — from the lens of the life you currently have.
But if you want something beyond what your existing paradigm allows, you’re going to have to get a little crazy.