Here’s how you can use your judgment as a tool for your own growth.

The first step is to understand that whatever you judge other people for is something you are judging yourself for.

If you judge other people for being mediocre, then you also judge yourself for putting out any work less than perfect. If you judge other people for their anger, you will predictably castigate yourself for any amount of anger you have show up.

That might be a little bit of awareness for you, but generally speaking, most people are pretty clear on this first part.

From here, people tend to tell themselves “I know, I do do that, but I shouldn’t!” and try to just … stop that judgment.

Trying to simply stop something like this will rarely work. It’s lacking the kind of insight or altitude that would help you get at what’s really at play and thus make a transformational shift, and consequently, you’re basically hoping you can “willpower” your way to not judging.

Instead, we use compassion as the tool to melt the ice of our judgment.

The first step of compassion is to have compassion for the fact that you’re judgmental.

Yah, you’ve got judgments of other people. And yah, you’ve got judgments about yourself.

Can you let that be okay, without any added significance? (eg, the fact that you have judgments doesn’t mean anything other than that you have judgments.)

You might have to practise noticing all of the ways you try to push away the fact that you are judgmental. For example, you might say things like “Well, I know I shouldn’t be judgmental, but…” or “I’m not judging them but…”

See if you can catch yourself in these moments, and instead, simply give yourself permission to have judgments.

From here, you can start to see that your judgment (of others, and yourself) is ultimately about a part of yourself you cannot yet love.

If you judge other people for being lazy, you probably have no capacity to give yourself permission to take a few days off work.

If you judge other people for being stupid, you probably have no compassion for the times when you yourself show up a little “dumb”.

We create more love through our compassion, and compassion arises from our curiosity. (And, you may have noticed that our judgment shuts down curiosity.)

So we can start to practise bringing this compassionate curiosity to ourselves and others.

Why might this person be showing up this way? What might I not know about them?

Why might I have such a strong judgment about showing up this way? Where did I learn this? What has this gotten me? What has this gotten me out of?

These kinds of inquiries will help you go deeper into the heart of your judgment, and begin to understand yourself at a deeper level.

And there’s a bonus to all of this. The more compassionate you become towards that which you judge in yourself, the more compassion you will have for other people doing the same.

And, practise bringing compassion to the people outside of yourself, and that same compassion will grow towards yourself.

Want a deeper cut of this kind of work? At The Intensive, we will be supporting people to take this life-changing kind of work on, in the moment. You will get supported to step through the gates of your judgment in the moment, and witness others learning how to love and transform themselves in the space alongside you.

If you’re interested, learn more about The Intensive here: