How Your Ego Avoids Growth

You’re searching for the magical action.

Not the crappy, boring, next action — the magical action.

If you were searching for the magical action, there’d probably be something weird about you. We all want the life-hack that’s going to set us apart. The secret hidden step that all those successful people (entrepreneurs, leaders, coaches, investors, gym teachers, etc.) have been hiding from you all along.

You know there’s a step, but you just haven’t found it yet, so life becomes a bit of a quest to discover that step.

You can spend most of your life chasing this magic action, looking for the right thing to do, the right way to show up, the right thing to say to people that will have you feel confident, and good, and nice, and exactly the way you’re supposed to (but definitely don’t currently) feel.

All of the search for the right answer keeps you from seeing the real magic: simply practising in the face of your discomfort, seeing what does and does not work, and then adapting and choosing what’s next from there.

Rather than confront the fear that discomfort brings, it’s easier to go back to the library and do more research.

Research feels good. Failing in front of a crowd feels bad.

What most of the work trying to find the right answer does is prevent us from being with the feeling of growth. That messy awkward fail-y feeling is what growth feels like.

The better you’re able to be in that feeling, time and again, over and over, the faster and more you are growing in your life. The more time you spend researching the right answer, the less time you have to be in the actual experience of growing.

I’m not suggesting that there aren’t times when you need to research and learn. I’m simply pointing to the fact that your ego will steer you toward the path that is more comfortable, rather than the path that will have you grow beyond it.