The natural coming together of relationships creates oneness. I like to think of this not just as an “energetic” idea, but also a mathematical one (because math is awesome).

When you multiply 1/9 by its reciprocal, 9/1, you end up with 1. This holds true for any number and its reciprocal.

This mathematical fact mirrors the oneness that is created when two humans come together in relationship. Every way of showing up in a relationship has a reciprocal, and to each person in a relationship, their reciprocal will be unavoidably attractive.

The person that demonstrates narcissistic tendencies is irresistible to their partner who is unwilling to take up space and make time for themselves. The person that demonstrates almost sociopathic abdication from their emotions and lives entirely in their head, is irresistible to the partner that is awash in their emotional content, dramatizing and aflame with their feelings in each passing moment. And, the abuser, who projects their pain, trauma and shame outwardly is irresistible to the partner that takes their own pain, trauma and shame, and projects it inwardly.

This truth doesn’t mean you should stay with the person you’re with. It also doesn’t mean you should break up with them.

That’s not really the point of distinguishing this truth about relationships. (Sorry.)

Staying or leaving any particular relationship will always, and forever, be a choice that is available to you. Asking ourselves, “Should I stay with this person?” or, “Is this the right person?” gives away your choice to some concept that there is a “right” person for you. As if the choice to stay or leave was no longer something that resided in you, but instead, was determined celestially, based on whether or not you have found “the right person”.

The gift of distinguishing that you are always a reciprocal to the way your partner shows up, is that it points you back towards your work, regardless of whether or not you are choosing to leave or stay in a relationship. Your complaints about your partner point you back to the work that is there for you to take on.

Have you ever noticed that people tend to complain about the same kind of things in their partners? This is the driver for that. It’s not that people have no sense when it comes to getting into relationship — it’s that this particular energy is irresistible. They end up, time and again, with people that bring this particular energy, because it is our reciprocal, and together, we create oneness.

And, until you take on your own work, you will be unable to unhook yourself from whatever it is you complain about. You can leave any particular relationship, but until you resolve this internally, you will inevitably find your way back to this same kind of energy.

The danger is to take this and try and make it meaningful — like it should dictate a choice you make.

“Well, if this is the work for me to take on, I guess I should stay with this person, and do it here then? Is that what you’re saying?”


Regardless of whether you stay with this person, or leave that person, this will remain your work. If you want a different experience in relationship, the point is that this begins with you. The gift here, is to see your work to take on, regardless of your circumstances. Regardless of whether you are currently in relationship or not.

Seeing the work that is here for you to take on doesn’t even mean you need to take on. What it does provide is access to choosing whether or not you do, consciously.

And that is access to your own power.