My fear has been up lately.
It’s often present for me after taking a month off and returning to a career that is inherently uncertain. As an entrepreneur, there’s no guarantee of being caught, no guarantee about where things will go from here.
Clients come and clients go, and it’s part of the cycle of this job.
When my fear is speaking to me, it’s pointing out that I don’t know where I’ll next be hired, and likes to emphasize the fact that I’m too far down this particular path to return to a traditional job anymore. I’ve been doing this for over a decade, what kind of job would I fit into anyhow?
When I’m scared, my instinct is to respond to the fear with reactive action. If I’m afraid because I don’t know where the next client will come from, the answer is to get into massive action to create that client.
But I’ve learned that that kind of action is actually just more fear.
Reactivity is fear’s answer to fear.
When I get scared, my fear speaks to me with scenarios and situations that I’m afraid to confront.
And so, in order to avoid those imaginings coming to pass, I take actions. I react to my scared thoughts.
That kind of action rarely bears fruit.
Like a farmer desperately seeding his fields during the barren winter season, it may assuage the fear temporarily, but it tends to worsen or recreate the problem more than anything else.
I find fear tends to shove me towards action, rather than looking at who I’m being.
Fear is often inviting me to sit in the question, “What do I need to do, in order to change my circumstances?”
What I notice is that actions taken from that question, typically end up leading back to more of those same circumstances.
Ultimately that action is about resisting a particular place I find myself, and as the fifth energetic law describes, what we resist, persists.
The questions I find serve me most powerfully during these times are, “How am I being about all of this?”, and “How do I want to be right now?”
These questions bring me back to my essential nature — my essence — and invite me to remember that re-aligning myself with my natural state is always what will create the most powerful results.
Connection, Passion, Presence, Brilliance and Wit.
What feels most missing for myself in these currently? (Connection, Passion)
Where are some places I could create more of that way of being in my life, and how might I show up differently that would allow a little more of that way of being to be present?
These aren’t easy questions to answer, mind you — nor easy actions to take.
It takes a lot of practise, belief, trust and commitment to choose down this path, instead of the nicely paved, panic-stricken road fear puts in front of me.
I do my best to practise, and I try to bring as much grace as I can to my own humanity while I’m in resistance.