This is part 2 of a series on the divine feminine and masculine energies. You can read part 1 here.

Polarity is what causes excitement, spark, and turn-on in long term relationships. Early on, you don’t need any of that. Polarity is a nice bonus, but your body is naturally aiding you with hormones, chemicals, and the fact that you haven’t yet seen your partner naked.

You can damp down polarity as much as possible (and I have succeeded in achieving this), but it won’t matter. Your turn-on, in those first three to six months or so, is free.

Over time, the hormones start to fade, and you become familiar with your partner. And once this happens, you start to settle into your default state of being.

There tends to be three default states that couples settle into.

The first state is alpha and alpha. This would be the state where both partners are operating the majority of their time together in the masculine energy.

Purpose driven, focused on achieving a particular goal, making things happen, and then, at the end of the day, zoning out with nothingness.

When both partners are engaged in career pursuits, or making an entrepreneurial venture happen, or are business partners or anything else along these lines, this is the kind of balance of energy that you end up with.

The second state would be omega and omega. This is the state where both partners are operating the majority of their time together in the feminine energy.

Whereas the masculine energy is linear and focused on achieving a particular goal, two partners in the feminine polarity together will be very loving and sweet with each other. Long stretches of conversation can unfold. There’s room for every feeling to be felt, and the worries of the world around us, and what there is to do tomorrow, fall away.

The third state is alpha and omega, or omega and alpha. One partner is in the masculine energy, and the other in the feminine energy.

This is the state that creates polarity. Think of it like the two poles on a battery. If both poles on a battery were the same polarity (two negatives, or two positives), there would be no chemical interaction. No spark.

When one partner is sitting alpha, and the other in omega, polarity begins to build.

Because we have little understanding and little teachings about polarity, partnerships that spend a lot of time in this third state tend to be dramatic and explosive.

These are the couples that argue explosively, and then fuck explosively. There’s sex on the table (both literally and figuratively), but there’s little art or mastery involved. These couples tend to blow themselves apart, and there tends to be a lot of destruction.

None of these states of being in relationship are right, or wrong, or good or bad, or any other judgment you want to put on them.

The real work is about determining what state will best serve what you are seeking to create in the moment.

There is a time and place for all of these states. When Bay and I are building our business, we are both operating the energy of Alpha. We are driven towards purpose, united in our energy to birth something new into the world and continue to build the possibility of transformation for all.

When one of us is hurting, sometimes we just need to be held and tenderly loved while we share what’s on our hearts.

These are beautiful experiences. But, if we spend all of our time here, there will be little polarity.

On the other side of things, if we are not conscious of the moments when we are creating polarity we can find ourselves being hurtful.

These are those moments where one partner is listening while the other partner is screaming and shouting. There is polarity in the space, but because there is no container to hold and support this moment with intention, damage ends up getting created.

Imagine taking a bunch of gunpowder and a flame, and just throwing them together. Instead of the explosion being used towards a sacred purpose, we just have destruction.

Because we’ve lacked maturity in working with this polarity, we’re left with a pretty rigid set of choices. We can accept the state of polarity, along with all of the explosiveness it provides, as well as the toxicity on both sides of the equation, and kind of just say “Hey, that’s just the way it is”, and go forward from there.

Alternatively, we see the harm and destruction that gets paused by all of this, and we create a pull towards neutrality. We masculinize women, and we feminize men.

In doing so, we sheer away the edges, and tone down what is harsh. We remove the inequalities (distinct, mind you, from the inequities we seek to eliminate) that are inherent in a system of polarity, and we end up settling for is neutrality.

Neutrality is safe, predictable, and manageable.

Neutrality is comforting and free of drama, tension and overwhelm.

Neutrality is a flat-line.

To create relationships that continue to build fire and excitement, we must learn to work with polarity.