This is something I’ve been working on loosely for a while. It’s in really rough form. I don’t know if these are right or not — I’m sharing them for discussion, so that collectively they can be refined.
1. An internal Yes or No is often more important than an external one
2. You can always check-in with someone to see if you are actually supporting them
3. Supporting someone to overcome their fear (provided they are a YES to that support) is service
4. If people want to engage your services, supporting them to make that happen, even and especially when they are afraid, is serving them
5. If you’re not clear if someone wants your service, asking them directly is serving them.
6. Asking someone a question that may drive up discomfort does not innately cause them a disservice — in fact, sometimes that is what is required to serve them
7. It’s okay to cause someone a disservice in your attempts to serve them — we are all practising something new. Just be willing to clean up your mess.
8. Using discomfort to manipulate someone is not service. To find out if you are manipulating them, see #5