People sometimes ask me how I knew I needed to change when I was going through law school, and then briefly working as a lawyer. Sometimes they want to know what the experience I was having was like — how did it feel to be unfulfilled the way I was?

The truth is, it didn’t really feel like much at all.

I didn’t feel unfulfilled, because I didn’t really feel much of anything.

It was the ultimate in protection.

I had created a really good internal system that ensured I didn’t feel very much. This protected me from heartbreak, from anger, from sadness. I was pretty copacetic. Very teflon-y.

Basically, the system justified its continued existence. I might have shifted to a different way of being, if I felt the pain of the current way of being. But I didn’t.

So why bother changing?

So a lot of us figure “Well, there will come a point where this will get bad enough, and then I’ll make that shift”.

But my system was going to ensure that that would never be the case. I’d never really reach a “crescendo”-like feeling that would guide me to make a shift. My whole system was about ensuring that I never had to deal with those crescendo-moments.

My experience was one of perpetual low-grade dissatisfaction, frustration and annoyance. Frustration with how people just didn’t quite live up to my expectations. Annoyance with the way things unfolded. Dissatisfaction with life and how it occurred to me.

Perpetually being just a little bit disappointed, and on top of all of that, a nice empowered layer of “and I’m okay with that” spread over top.

I wasn’t really aware that I wanted to change, because my whole system was set up to “be okay” with things the way they were.

All I really felt was a very slight pull in a different direction.

When I pursued that pull, I was fortunate enough to meet someone that could sit down and talk with me in a way that made a difference.

When they told me what a real shift would cost me, I immediately knew it wasn’t viable. There was no way that would work. And further, I didn’t feel a strong enough pull to step over that edge, nor did things feel bad enough that I needed to move.

All I really did was stay in conversation with this person.

Each conversation, we would support me to get a little more clear on what I wanted, and to slowly — slowly — move the things that were in the way, out of the way.

It never made sense for me to step into transformation — and it never really will for any of us. If it did, we’d already be doing it.

What makes sense is the life you already have.

Transformation is about setting aside what currently makes sense, in service of creating something new — in service of creating what you really want.

If you’re interested in creating something new, you should check out The Intensive. We’ll be supporting you and many others to discover your self-imposed limitations and step beyond them. Once and for all. Learn more here: