WHY YOUR LEADERSHIP BOOK ISN’T HELPING

Leadership is a lot like an iceberg. The 10% of the iceberg that we can see—the part above the waterline—is the theory. If you’ve spent any time sitting in leadership seminars, reading books, or watching videos on the topic, you’ve probably noticed that the theory is everywhere. It all kind of sounds the same, it all seems obvious, and yet, leadership—the kind that leaves us feeling inspired—remains scarce.

Why is that? If leadership theory is so accessible, why do great leaders feel so rare?

The reason is simple: theory alone is not leadership. The intellectual understanding of leadership is easy. It’s common sense. Take a simple principle like leading with an open heart. Of course, that makes sense. It’s obvious — right up until the moment we feel justified in closing our hearts. That’s where things get tricky.

In those moments, we don’t see that this is where the actual practice of leading with an open heart is needed. We read the theory, agree with it, and then apply it in the places where we are already comfortable — where there’s no real challenge. That allows us to feel good about our leadership without actually stretching into the places where transformation happens.

The danger in this is that we start to believe we are already doing the work. We tell ourselves, Yes, I lead with an open heart. Yes, I am a good leader. And of course, that’s true — you are doing your best. But that belief gets in the way of our ability to recognize the places where our next level of leadership awaits.

The real challenge of leadership is recognizing that there are always more areas to discover where we are not yet playing the game fully. And each time one of these areas is revealed to us, we will resist it. We will resist it because it challenges our identity as a good leader.

The 90% Beneath the Surface

This is the crux of leadership: it never truly exists in theory. Yes, we need some understanding — we need to recognize that 10%. But theory alone will never address the moment for us. Leadership lives in the moment, in the spaces where we meet our own resistance.

That’s where transformation happens.

To illustrate this, I want to share a story from the world of plant medicine.

I was working for an organization in Costa Rica that facilitated healing through ayahuasca ceremonies. At the end of each night, the medicine team — those supporting participants in their journeys — would open the floor for questions, helping people make sense of their experiences.

One night, someone raised their hand and said, “The medicine team is incredible. They really understood where I was. They didn’t push me, they didn’t try to fix me — they just let me be in my process. It was so beautiful and so potent. How do you train that?”

The shaman leading the work nodded and said, “They can support you that way because they have been exactly where you are.”

He went on to explain that yes, there are protocols, there are structures in place — but that’s only 10% of the work. The real work is in drinking the medicine, in sitting with the experience. By going through it themselves, the medicine team develops a deep, embodied wisdom.

They understand what it feels like to be in that place, what truly serves someone in the moment, as well as the things we may clutch at to avoid having to be with our own confrontation.

The Work Lies in Drinking the Medicine

This is leadership. We all want to believe we’ve already walked through it. We want to consume more theory, convince ourselves we’ve gotten what we need. But that will never be enough.

Leadership is not about knowing the right thing to say. It’s about being willing to sit in the moments that make us uncomfortable. It’s about recognizing the places where we want to close our hearts and choosing to stay open instead. It’s about finding the edges of our leadership and being humble enough to step beyond them.

If we want to be leaders who truly inspire, we have to do the work. And the work is never in the theory.

The work lies in drinking the medicine.